Movie revoooos: AMELIE POULAIN. Oh, and Chocolat.

Over the break I watched a movie that had been hyped up a decade ago when I was about 5 or 6. I remembered watching it and all I remembered was a pale girl on a carnival ride getting groped by skeletons >.< So, I knew I had to watch it. Anyways, Amelie is my new favorite movie. It's so innocent but it's also sexual, and it's so sweet. It's pretty bunch a contradiction...it's a super surreal reality and it's not a cartoon but there are animations... I'm in love with foreign films now. A brief summary is that Amelie Poulain, a girl who in her childho

od was a pretty lonely kid (her mom was killed by a lady jumping off a building and after that all her dad did was make shrines with little gnomes and became sort of a borin
g old codger) which made her devise this little game in her head...she was always super curious, always knew what was right from wrong...She was just this cool little kid. When she grows up, she dedicates herself to being a good-doer, helping people in really creative ways. She fixes up everyone's lives and brightens them and goes through extreme measures, but somehow she can't fix her own. After running into a guy who does a bunch of odd jobs, Nino, there is some kind of SOULMATE label on his face after she finds out that he's a person just like her (he takes pictures of footprints in cement, takes pictures from

photobooths and repieces them). In the subway station, Nino drops his album and she finds it and devises a huge puzzle thing to give it back to him. The plan goes her way until there's a little misunderstanding and Amelie is disappointed at the very end....but then there's a happy ending. I don't want to give it away. Anyways, I liked the quirk of every character...and all of the subplots in the movie. It was complicated, but understandable and every character was well described and portrayed. I loved the way they shot it too..they would insert random clips of ORGASMS and sperm and all that is random but awesome. There was lots of color, lots of hidden details...Lots of symbolism, lots to think about, isn't

too predictable even if you read IMDB ;P That's what I always do. Amelie is a film I wouldn't mind watching 5 more times. Juno used to be one of my favorite movies, but the humor is very crude and just an average hipster/indie movie after you watch Les Fableux Destin D'Amelie Poulain. Also there are some awkward touchytouchy parts..such as the 15 orgasms scene, Amelie being humped by a guy scene, and the part where Amelie and Nino kiss each other and it's dead silent. And after that they wind up all funky. On a bed. Mmm.

Next, we have Chocolat, with Ohohoho Johnny Depp, Alfred Molina, and Juliette Binoche. When I used to think of Chocolat, I definitely remember Johnny Depp washing his hands in a chocolate fountain. Never mind. Anyways, Chocolat is a sappier, happy, and more predictable film. It's kind of a feel good film when you watch it but it was very meh after I watched Amelie. If you watch this, please watch it before Amelie. The things that disappointed me about this movie was that it was in a French setting, but no one spoke french. Some people had American accents, like Depp. Binoche and her daughter on screen both were french actresses but they spoke in English. It irritated me greatly which is why I almost didn't finish it. This is a story about a half French and south american mother and daughter traveling around Europe and settling down in a village in Normandy and they open up a "Mayan" chocolate shop. Unfortunately, they open it around Lent..ooh..and the mayor is like NOOOOPE DON'T GET CHOCOLATE DON'T CORRUPT MY VILLAGE. The lady (I forgot her name, this is how forgettable the movie is) is like "Nigga, I'm an atheist and I can do whatever I want. Now buy my chocolate". Basically after a montage of the lady selecting the "perfect" chocolate for the villagers, people go crazy over the confections and stuff. Other people refuse to go to the shop because it's lent and they don't want to break any rules. The mayor wants to see the shop go out of business, so he's like AHYUKAHYUK. There are 2 other subplots, one lady is abused by her husband and then starts to live at the shop and helps the mom and daughter around. The husband breaks in and is like ROARRR but they hit him with a frying pan. Classic.

PART 2

These water gypsy boat people stop at the village. Johnny Depp is one of them. The whole village is against them staying along the river but the LADY..THE LADY. The chocolate lady..welcomes them into her shop and shit and makes sexy to Johnny Depp. Then they have a partay and then she sleeps with him (Could've guessed that earlier) and then the village lights on fire for some reason and then there's this frantic scene. That's when I stopped watching.

Alright, this movie was not that bad but it seem so...scripted and unnatural. The little girl would always be like "Mother this " "Mother, that looks so very pretty!" and most girls don't talk like that. I'd rather have it in French so it'd sound nicer and I wouldn't understand a thing. But, if you're having a family movie night or some chick flick night this is pretty good. Actually I don't suggest family movie night because there's an awkward humping scene when THE CHOCOLATE LADY tells the story of how her French dad and South American mom met...and they have this 3 minute sex humpty dumpty scene as the narrator slowly tells the story. Sigh. Oh, and when THE LADY give a village woman a sack of chocolate for her husband to "heat stuff up"..they were probably filled with viagra. There's kind of a noisy implied sex scene.

THE END! More reviews to come. People don't read this. Why I do dis :(