Saturday, February 26, 2011

Come a Little Bit Closer, Bay-beh.

Can you finish the lyrics? You probably can't. But I can! Stupid bastard. This is why I, Natafee am going to reinforce your knowledge of the groundbreaking 90's Brit girl group, The.....SPICE GIRLS!

The Spice Girls were and are still amazing. Back then, there songs were hailed and performed and covered by teenagers like you and me, usually in the room with a mediocre boombox and a hairbrush as a makeshift microphone. Now? People like Justin Boobie- I mean Bieber and that lady with candy breasts have taken over the music industry. But this, my friends....is pop at it's best.


First off and my personal favorite (Sorry, Lizzi) is Sporty Spice aka Melanie Chisholm. Sporty Spice was not the flashiest dresser, did not seem as sexy and charming as the others, but had a powerful and unique singing voice and is probably the best singer in the group. She could hit high notes like a wicked opera singer on LSD and it was amazing. She also has a charming Irish accent and actually had a really nice, pretty face that was natural and not caked with makeup. Cough. Geri. Plus, she had an 8 pack. Mrrow. The only bad thing was that after the Spice Girl's broke up, she chopped her long brown ponytail and traded it in for a Ellen Degeneres esque lesbo pixie cut.

My second favorite of the Spice Girls would be Scary Spice, Melanie Brown. She was a foxy black girl who loved screaming and scaring goldfish and wore provocative and innovative outfits, most of them being tight and leopard related. She also has a lovely Leeds accent and looks quite fabulous in platform boots and astronaut suits. She also is intelligent and not a whore, because she looks sekahsee all the time. I like her soothing voice but sometimes I think that she should've been given Sporty Spice's more powerful parts in the songs to give her voice a more "scary" feel, because to me, she has a scary, awesome look and personality, but her voice isn't rising above and doing crazy things. Her raps are quite hardcore though. Not hating on Scary though, because duh, she's my second favorite.

My third favorite was the adorable Baby Spice, Emma Bunton. Baby Spice was awesome because she could totally pull off the cute innocent WHORE look. She had the cute pigtails and girly smile and lollipop, but dressed like a total kinderwhore. I love it. I think she's the only white girl to pull off that look. You see, if you bought a slutty french maid costume and gave it to any random girl on the streets, she would look like a......prostitute. But on the other hand, if you gave it to Miz Bunton, she would just look like......Baby Spice! And I love her face. It's so cute and chubby and I want to pinch it. I still do...because she still pretty much looks like that. Except wears more conservative clothing. Oh well, she can rock a sweater vest as much as I can rock me some nice sweatpants.

My fourth favorite would be Posh Spice, otherwise known as VICTORIA BECKHAM! Before she was married to the douchey soccer player, she was Victoria Adams, with a snooty London accent. She had the best fashion sense in the whole group and was probably one of the people who caused teenage girls to go anorexic. Besides Twiggy. She had a firy temper about her clothing and probably spat on polyester. People say that she couldn't sing but damnit, she was in the Spice Girls! Of course you had to have above average chops to be in that group! She has a pretty, low voice and it fits nicely when she sang the bottom vocals in the "get it on" part in 2 Become 1. It was a sultry 4 seconds.

Last and very much the least would be Ginger Spice, Geri Halliwell. There are many reasons why I dislike her.
1. Her name is Geri, very much like "Jeri" which is the name of my band director.
2. She did nothing except flash her boobies and dance around in panties or booty shorts.
3. Had a slimy, mucus-y voice
4. Wasn't a real ginger...like my band director. Their hair is actually QUITE similar.
5. Resembles my band director a lot. Pasty, fake gingers, blonde highlights, pretty chunky.
6. Was the one who pretty much broke the Spice Girls up.
She was usually the favorite, making people swoon with her sultriness but to me, her sultry factor is the same as a baboon's.

And to sum it all up, they made a MOVIE! It was great, but according to IMBD it sucked. Well, it didn't. It screamed GIRL POWER! more than a Riot Grrl song.

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