Wednesday, May 4, 2011

How to Make Love While Conscious

Despite my misleading title, I would like to do a little rant about women. Ah, how the opposite gender confuses me. Just kidding. I'm pretty sure I'm a girl. I hope. Well, here goes everything.
1. Girls DO fart and poop. Men, I'm sure you have been convinced by the stupid myth that girls do not fart...or POOP. No matter how dainty, sexy, or slutty we are, we do fart. Though we hide it more slyly than the males do, yes, we do not fart in people's faces, we still have had terrible acts of flatulence. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED on pooping! Like Taro Gomi has stated in this lovely picture book that I have NEVER gotten for my birthday, though I have requested it on my wishlist about 23479 times, erryone makes duh poopoo. All girls have had diarrhea or constipation. Well, everyone except me...I have no anus. Ahee!
2. Girls are not ALWAYS won over by flowers and all that crap. I mean seriously, if the two people love each other, who would really give a damn about flowers/chocolates/vibrators (ohh yeaah). The thing about couples in the modern days is that even if two people are together (not pre relationship stage), they shallowly expect expensive(at times), mushy (ohh yes) crap delivered to them to make them happy. I guess it's really not love or anything because if they really did love each other, they wouldn't even care about material stuff and would be ecstatic just breathing the same air as the other person. You don't need to be fancy. You sort of just need to be yourself, instead of some poser casanova swoon tastic chunky hunky dreamsicle. Don't take out your money. It's insulting. This is really the main thing I wanted to talk about. It's been bugging me for a while. But I'll continue.
3. Women do not make love with their _____. Most cases of the blank space are usually prized posessions, like goulash, shoes, wonder bras, blah blah blah. They treat them like you do with your porno collection and fetish magazines.
4. Women are kinder, gentler, quieter, and more romantic than men. ERR ERR ERR ERR ERR. One of these counterexamples is me! I am definitely not as kind, gentle, or quiet than the average male. On the other hand, I'm quite romantic. No one can resist my charms as I lure them in with my banana/cucumber eating and masticating of assorted nuts. Aww yeah. I just had an erection the size of a blimp. There are many women that are brutal and love kicking the testicles of men. One example of these women is Ellen. Don't worry, I'm not insulting her. She takes this as a compliment.
5. Women have hearts. FUCK NO! Look at this nifty little diagram that represents a woman's heart. Well, at least this is what my heart looks like. Black, dark, never ending....

Though all of my answers are quite brief except 2 (Yeah that was kind of the main point of my post anyways :P) I would like to thank you for viewing this lovely FAQ with Dr. Natarhee, the voluptuous, less bald counterpart of Dr. Phil.
The end.

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