Milky Moobies.

When I hear the word: sexcrazedoldcreepymofos, I automatically think of.....Ni-just kidding. I think of the BEACH BOYS. Sure, they may be legend...ary in the world of rock and roll but are you kidding me! They were overgrown Justin Biebery middle aged men that sang about cars, women, the beach, and women. Sure, I do have a wave of nostalgia flood over me as I listen to their Endless Summer CD but WHEN DO I DO THAT?! NEVERRR! You see, the Beatles sang about the same things....pretty much.....like women and drivin' cars and all that jazz, but they got more creative and sang about LSD infused walruses, digging ponies, and strawberry fields...forever. Also, no one knows the names of the members! John, Paul, George, and Ringo can distinctly stick out in a person's mind. Here's a little song I wrote that is in the essence of a beach boys songLook at those Hawaiian shirt donning hunks! Ahhh yeah.

*cough* AND IT BEGINS!
"Today I saw a sultry girl!
Her hair was in....curls?
I saw her at the beach in a bikini
I'm pretty sure she had a wieeeenie
WAAOOOOooooh WA WA OOOO
Trannies at the beach in the sand
Oh whoa when I see them THERE GOES MY SWEAT GUH-LAAAND!
Waa oooohhhh wa wa Oooooh "
I could go on. But I won't.
That's my rant on the Beachie Beach Boys.
Now I must change topics to Adele. This woman is totally rad. She has ginger biscuit hair and her CD is perfect for all women that have gone through a bad breakup. I wish she could stand at the foot of my bed and sing me to sleep. She has more class than Amy Winehouse. Since we're talking about singing, I shall discuss my chops. I am not a very skilled singer. I can sing......boy choir repetoire and I can sound decent if I sing a little below a whisper. If I sing above that, I sound positively terrible. I'm on key....but I suck. The only talent I really have that involves vocals is that I'm pretty good at singing foreign ranguage songs. I can master pronunciations for my K pop songs. Oohhhhhhh yeah.This was me in sixth grade.

Now I'm going to switch gears to Christopher Walken and William Shatner. These two men need a duet together. I saw this video of Christopher Walken and he was reading Poker Face.....I loved his interpretation of her Ohhh Wuh Ohh oh oh part. It sounded like a bored orgasm. And William Shatner....what a hunk!!!!!! WHO WOULDN'T WANT A DUET WITH THIS CANADIAN HUNK! Oh god and what if George Takei joined in for a trio......not for sex, fucking sicko.
Well, that was short. Since I'm running low on ideas...I'm going to talk about my elementary school teachers and I will give them accurate descriptions and I will try to guess about their personal lives.
Kindergarten: Shawni Henderson. She was pretty nice and inneresting. I think that she could be on Real Housewives of.....you pick. She seemed very mommyish and botoxy.
First Grade: Holmberg......FLARHGHHH what a megabitch. I'm pretty sure she was a stripper in her previous years of life. I think she possibly had a relationship with a Hugh Hefner imposter and then she found out he was a fake so she decided to impose her communistic ideas on innocent little first graders. Yup.
2nd grade: Ray O'Malley: An awesome partially bald middle aged man who could probably be an actor. I'm pretty sure he could've been in Dr. Who. He enjoyed writing science songs related to Simon and Garfunkel songs and every week he would come in dressed as a distant cousin of his...Mr O'my. Or O'MAI! or....I don't know.
3rd grade: Dave Parker. THE BEST FUCKING TEACHER THAT EVER LIVED. He constantly let us throw softballs at the speakers, let us watch game shows, and made up awesome raps about multiplication. He made multiplication seem badass and that has been my favorite math related thing ever. He also puts on great plays about dental health and is great at casting.....oh Lucas as a bailiff. Or whatever. We also pranked other classrooms and piled their chairs in front of the doors. What a megapimp with his khaki shorts, running shoes, fancy ties, and curly mullet. I'm pretty sure Mr. Parker was Jesus. Yup.
4th Grade: Dennis Servetter. He was a strict yet badass Jew with an earring and paragliding skills. I didn't exactly enjoy him but I did enjoy his knowledge on making them tater latkes. I'm guessing that in the old country, he was aquaintances with Adam Sandler and they went to the local synagogue together and had a conjoined barmitzvah.
5th grade: Last but HOHOHO definitely not least is the marvelous John Goodwin. He was a nice ol' white man with a tiny wrist and ankle and did a bunch of limping. He gave us an emotional talk about his disease. We all cried like babies. He also traveled in safaris and he looked like a raunchy young man from Toto. He was a great drawer of conquistadors and cityscapes. He also enjoyed making us recite poems. He is probably the most cultured man I have ever met. I'm pretty sure that he has traveled the world like Phileas Fogg and fought native american warriors with his bare hands. I'm also pretty sure he has had an assortment/army of wives, since he had a long flowing beard and wheaty hair.I think he was a bit more attractive then all of them. Oh well.

IT'S OVER!