Acronyms. And a List of People I'd....Do.

So, acronyms...they get ridiculous.....sort of. Like me and Sierra's Bff equivalent, BFFFFFFFFFFFLTPCI. Y'all probably know what it means. If you don't, I doubt you'd want to ask me because that'd waste about 10 seconds of your life. I used to hate using the most overused acronym "lol".....but unfortunately at the time, I kind of sort of have to use it. It's also not as annoying sounding as it used to be. It's unsettling, but I have to do it. I'm also using it honestly 'cause maybe I DO fucking laugh when I say it. Mmmmhmm. It also reminds me of memes. AND THE LOLWUT PEAR. I LOVE THAT THING. Speaking of memes, I told my mom a poop joke and the story about the swami on Youtube teaching poop getting-out-of-your ass exercises and she told me I'd be forever alone. I.......think she's true. I told her this joke....Did you hear that diarrhea is hereditary? Yeah! IT RUNS IN THE JEANS. I know. What a flabby thigh slapper. So yesterday, I went to a walk in appointment with my dentist because I was having this weird gum-ache. And.........you'll never know. Wisdom teeth are already in. Dayum, they're supposed to start when you're about.....18-19 or even into your 20's and 30's! So far I think 3 of them grew in. The reason why my gums hurt like hell was because the root of the tooth was like half a centimeter away from a nerve in my mouth. We're looking into getting them removed. If my dentist can't do it, I'm going to get them surgically removed. Please knock me unconscious and then pull them out. What also sucks is that I'm getting them all pulled out separately. It's good that it won't affect band but 3 times to not look forward to. Anyways, I've been watching a good amount of JennaMarbles lately. Her humor isn't as amazing as some, but I give her parents props for doing it and making her because she's hot, slutty, and has a master's degree. I have a weird sort of respect for really hot, slutty, smart people. But not Hotforwords, I'm pretty sure she has a dick. No offense or anything....I also find it rather ironic that she's teaching Engleassshh when she's......Russian. Is she Russian? I dunno.....Ukraine? Oh well. So here's a list of people I'd theoretically bang. Repeatedly. Just kidding. And by the way, I probably wouldn't bang these people. (That's a lie...I'd definitely sleep with them.) It would be nice having that kind of a reputation, though I'm probably already labeled sluttymaroo by most Asian parents :P
1. Todd from barelypolitical. Aka Uri Kastrovich. I might throw in Amber Lee Ettinger and Lauren Francesca as well. Mmm barelypolitical.
2. Carrot top. You can see why.
3. Nicki Minaj in all outfits and hairstyles.
4. Muuuung Daaaaaaaal.
5. I'd probably bang a tiger to make a yellow tiger baby.
6. Larry King.
7. Lizzi Trumbore.
8. Choirboys. Any size, shape, ethnicity. And they must be pre pubescent.
9. Luna from f(x).....when she's blonde. While wearing fishnets and hitting high notes. Hot. I guess she could look like this as well.
10. Park Bom. She has to sing too.
11. And maybe (note the maybe) Nic while wearing something really slutty. ;P Like this.I'd ravish you in those nipple high trousers.
12. Last but ohoho, definitely not least, Lady Gaga during the time when people said she had a dick. I love controversies that deal with having dicks! If I ever become famous I hope people start those rumors. Not that I'm going to become famous.
Well, I'm done!
So my dad's back from Chiners. Yay.
Also, burritos and frozen yogurt don't mix.
That burrito was fucking delicious, by the way. I wish I could just regurgitate it whole and eat it again......
Is that weird?
Never mind.
Also.....the LLAMA ALPHABET! Aren't you surprised there isn't a My Little Llama Franchise?
Lastly, happy August! :D

Something more.....Melancholy.

My face at the mo.

Usually my posts are about random shit. This one is about shit, but it's not random and fun filled. Don't even bother to read it, but I'm just letting out steam. A lot of steam. Maybe you do want to read it to understand all of these random pictures. Yes, I'm keeping this rant in my regular random ass picture format. Well, here goes everything. My parents have been pressuring me about college since....seventh grade. It's gotten worse, and I'm only in 9th grade. Everything I do REVOLVES around college. Piano....for college....all my AP classes and crap...college. Duh. And now, band is revolving around college. My mom says I can stay in band for all 4 years...well, three years sort of for now......if I play on clarinet. And the B thing won't be applied anymore. I personally hate clarinet with a passion, no offense. Band is something I do for fun. It's like a sport, though it's not very physically challenging..well, sometimes it is during marching season, heh. If I switch to clarinet, I'm kind of just going to dread band. I don't know if this argument is valid but let's say two people had the same amount of community service, grades including AP classes, and one of them played clarinet (but could play bass clarinet......duh, all clarinetists can..) and one could play clarinet but mainly focused on bass clarinet. I don't know......in my opinion I would pick the more unique person...someone who can play clarinet pretty well but really has a passion for bass. When I told my mom that, she snickered irritatingly and was like YOU'RE WROOOOOOOOONGGGGGGGGGG! Then she mocked my passion quote many times and now I feel like backhanding a baby. I love playing bass clarinet. It's not the same as a clarinet player who conveniently knows how to play bass clarinet. I'm pretty sure Mr. Hollyday told me that before. It's unique. I wish I could actually do what I really wanted, though that's completely bull shit. I can't do everything that I want. Well of fucking course! I don't want to go to school, and I have to do that ;P Ugh. If I switched to clarinet, I doubt Webb would let me go back to clarinet...and how would I even switch off? I think I could compromise playing bass for marching season and switching every now and then for concert band but of course Webb wouldn't let me do that. It's all or nothing. I also don't understand why my parents won't just let me practice clarinet regularly at home. Colleges won't care, they'll know that you're adept at clarinet-ing and bass clarinet-ing, and I guess they'd find it cool that you really like bass clarinet more than clarinet? I'd do that if I was a hip rad college admission person.
That's the end of my rant, I guess.
Today we had an asian fest. I entertained a 5 year old with barbies and everything I put on the barbie the kid was like "it tis not boohtefull" and I got so irritated I wanted to yell "YOU'RE NOT BOOTEFUHL!!" but she was really cute. I also fell asleep multiple times and ate way too many strawberries. That party was 6 fuckin' hours!!!!! I ate pretty well, though. Snowy humped the legs of all the foxy Asian professors and they thought it was hilarious and cute and took many pictures. All I could do was stand in the corner and snicker. Then I played on our Wii, which I haven't played in in a while. I made myself short, fat, and yellow and gave myself a mole in the middle of my forehead and gave myself a pedo smile. I renamed myself Pedonat. After that I read more of animal farm on my mom's bed and promptly fell asleep. That's all.
Now I'm groggy, irritated, and sort of hungry (I haven't eaten since 2 PM)
Please send me an entertaining viral video so I can look like this.

How to Make Love While Conscious

Despite my misleading title, I would like to do a little rant about women. Ah, how the opposite gender confuses me. Just kidding. I'm pretty sure I'm a girl. I hope. Well, here goes everything.
1. Girls DO fart and poop. Men, I'm sure you have been convinced by the stupid myth that girls do not fart...or POOP. No matter how dainty, sexy, or slutty we are, we do fart. Though we hide it more slyly than the males do, yes, we do not fart in people's faces, we still have had terrible acts of flatulence. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED on pooping! Like Taro Gomi has stated in this lovely picture book that I have NEVER gotten for my birthday, though I have requested it on my wishlist about 23479 times, erryone makes duh poopoo. All girls have had diarrhea or constipation. Well, everyone except me...I have no anus. Ahee!
2. Girls are not ALWAYS won over by flowers and all that crap. I mean seriously, if the two people love each other, who would really give a damn about flowers/chocolates/vibrators (ohh yeaah). The thing about couples in the modern days is that even if two people are together (not pre relationship stage), they shallowly expect expensive(at times), mushy (ohh yes) crap delivered to them to make them happy. I guess it's really not love or anything because if they really did love each other, they wouldn't even care about material stuff and would be ecstatic just breathing the same air as the other person. You don't need to be fancy. You sort of just need to be yourself, instead of some poser casanova swoon tastic chunky hunky dreamsicle. Don't take out your money. It's insulting. This is really the main thing I wanted to talk about. It's been bugging me for a while. But I'll continue.
3. Women do not make love with their _____. Most cases of the blank space are usually prized posessions, like goulash, shoes, wonder bras, blah blah blah. They treat them like you do with your porno collection and fetish magazines.
4. Women are kinder, gentler, quieter, and more romantic than men. ERR ERR ERR ERR ERR. One of these counterexamples is me! I am definitely not as kind, gentle, or quiet than the average male. On the other hand, I'm quite romantic. No one can resist my charms as I lure them in with my banana/cucumber eating and masticating of assorted nuts. Aww yeah. I just had an erection the size of a blimp. There are many women that are brutal and love kicking the testicles of men. One example of these women is Ellen. Don't worry, I'm not insulting her. She takes this as a compliment.
5. Women have hearts. FUCK NO! Look at this nifty little diagram that represents a woman's heart. Well, at least this is what my heart looks like. Black, dark, never ending....

Though all of my answers are quite brief except 2 (Yeah that was kind of the main point of my post anyways :P) I would like to thank you for viewing this lovely FAQ with Dr. Natarhee, the voluptuous, less bald counterpart of Dr. Phil.
The end.

Adopt a Nat!

Name: Nataree
Species: Human...they think
Birthdate: 9/22/96
Gender: M & F
Health conditions: slight herpes
Likes: Squeegees, Japanese mayonnaise, Bob Ross, glossy abdominals, and Sweden
Dislikes: spray cheese, cotton balls, Geri Halliwell, plastic bowls with weasels on them, etc.

SOMEONE PLEASE ADOPT ME. I'm living in a puppy mill. I'm going to be tossed into the meat grinder soon and then I'm going to be shipped off to the tuna factory!! The people who work there and fuckin' shifty....after putting on the "dolphin free" seal, they started putting in puppy meat. I'd prefer being adopted by some nice white people.

Every year, thousands of dog..things like Nataree are abused. Help them now by making a phone call.. * cues sad music* IN THE ARMMMMMMMMMMS OFFFFFFF AN ANGEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I don't know the rest of the words so I'll just halt...here.

Seriously. I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. My Asian parents are going to cause me to jump out of the window someday. Then after I jump, it'll hurt. And I don't want that to happen....I still have three years at home.
What KIND of a parent regards homework as having fun and relaxing? And after I'm done cough "relaxing" I have to dig some fucking trench outside. Damn.
SOMEONE ADOPT ME NOW!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease. I won't even charge anything. Just come to my house, shove me into a burlap sack, and I will gladly be part of your family, though you probably wouldn't want slight herpes. But it's just slight! I promise you!
*sticks out bottom lip*.

A List Of My Lesbian Crushes. Right Here. Right Now.

This is a time where I release all my pent up desires to make steamy sex with all of these women. Just kidding. But I find these women intriguing and hot so I'm going to talk about their sultriness. I strongly apologize to Nic that I fantasize about these women. Just kidding. I actually don't. I guess I cough "apologize" for being a lesbo. Mmm. Thighs. Monica Lewinsky. I'd hit that.
1. RIZEE TRUMBORIO! I think this fascinating, charming, raunchy young creature is a national sex symbol. Nay, she is a WORLDWIDE sex symbol. From Mongolia to the Sandwich Islands, the name Lizbeth TROMBONE is all it takes to make men, women, and animals cream their panties. In the animals' cases, they HAVE no panties. Whatever. I also am not sure if I have a picture of her so I'll find a very similar picture.
2. Olivia Hussey. STOP SNICKERING AT HER LAST NAME! SHE IS SOME HOT SHIZ. She is old and crusty but still unbelievable sexy right now. She was Juliet in the old version of the Romeo and Juliet movie where she had boob spilling epic moments. I found her quite appealing. But sadly, I found Romeo's white buttcheeks much more hilarious and appealing. That scene was great, he was like "YEEYUH YOU NIGGABITCH CAPULETS! IMMA BANGING YOUR 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND I'M PROBABLY 19 OR SO! YEAH!!! Bang, bang bangity bang bang bang! BANG! BANGGGGGGG!" *bares buttcheeks on the balcony*
3. Meg White. I don't know why I have a girl crush on her. She's pasty and white and kind of reminds me of a gothic pornstar. She's also not the best drummer ever. I think she's very cute and such, and Jack White shouldn't have divorced her. THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER! And Jack White had ginger fetishes. Jack is such a manho, though I appreciate him a lot.
4. I have a girl crush on 2 K pop women. One has pink hair and has rumored to be a tranny (Jia)....but isn't......OKAY, THERE WAS WEIRD LIGHTING ON HER SPANDEX PANTS JEEEEEZ. And is a raunchy Chinese girl. The other is an ABK.....american born korean that has sultry muscular legs and I nice butt. (Min) They're both in the same K pop band, Miss A. And A probably stands for Asian. So original.
5. Last but not least I have a femaleish crush on Shirley Manson. I don't know why. But I just do. She was the lead singer of Garbage. They weren't very good. Why am I talking like this. I guess everyone sort of has a tiny soft spot for them gingers. And Shirley Manson was a pretty sultry ginger. Yum. Though her face sort of looked weird at times and she still kind of looks like a rabbit, I admire her and want to touch her.
6. YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS ACTUALLY THE LAST ONE?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Nope. LAST but definitely not the least would be Esperanza Spalding. For reasons completely explained as you watch her plunk that bass. Yum.

I'm done...I hope.
Actually, I'm not.
Then there's Jackie Fox, the bass player for the Runaways. She apparently sucked, but she was cute. And awesome. And WENT TO HARVARD.

Poop Soup

Reeeeeeeeee-uhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Again, I am sitting and attempting to shit out some ideas on the toilet of verbal constipation. Brainstorming ideas even took me approximately 4 days. Sorry. I've been stressed out about Asian piano tests and even more Asian art presentations. Why am I apologizing (Do I even have people who read this???) when no one has visited this page for days, including me? Oh well.
The first issue I would like to address is who is the caretaker aka pimp aka master blaster of Neil/Neopet. Neopet is mine. He was mine before he got a girlfriend and a man lover. When I came out of my mother's womb, my first words were "A LANKY, SLUTTY BOY THREE YEARS OLDER THAN ME IS GOING TO BE MY PROPERTY". Alas, I have been reunited with my property! When I first bonded with him, I lifted my leg and urinated on him, the acidic pee scratching my initials into his left buttcheek. This is MY mark. He is mine. I control his brain. I can sell him to a sweatshop or to Hefner if I want. Why is he so successful in life? Me. Who got men stuffing dollar bills down his undies? Me. Who got him to star in Chinese pron comedies? Ni-I mean.....me. Duh. So don't mess with me. I'm the man behind the sekahsee hairy legs, Bieber hair, and charming boyish smile.This, my friends, is Mr. Neopet's glamour shot. Just kidding. I couldn't find a picture of him so I found one that was accurate. Look at those creamy thighs.
Another hot topic that has caused brouhaha in probably everyone's minds (or pants) is my strange, irratic behaviour with fruits. Today, I humped a bag of avocados. That is all. Some people judge. Haters be the hating. Life goes on, and I will continue humping bags of grapefruit or avocado. And maybe even bags of frozen shrimp and kettle corn. Who knows.
Also, another life goal has been completed! I bought my first pair of oxford shoes on eBay, which means I get to walk to school in sultry, 70's sitcom style. Now all I need is a pair of horn rimmed glasses and a swooshy pompadour to woo all of the ladies. Or, I just whip out my dick. I have recently tattooed the troll face on it, by the way. It is a major turn on to the internet/know your meme savvy people. Which also means that I have banged everyone on the world wide FREAKING web.
Baby bologna is on a list of foods that I want to try in my life. I mean, who doesn't want to eat baby sausages? When people say "You're so cute that I could eat you up" is pretty literal in this context. I've heard that the baby bologna is made with a bunch of preservatives but hey, tis hard to keep baby meat fresh, apparently it is insanely perishable. Also, people say that there are baby by-products in the bologna, some people have claimed they have eaten a baby pee pee. That's hazardous to your health, kids, but I'm still going to taste this foreign, European food trend baby bologna.
So you might've wondered how my women's day went. Well, first I went to the seamy downtown of Amsterdam, went to "cat" houses and raised some hell. I brought snazzy combat boots and leotards and bras to all of the hoes and then I taught them how to tame lions, ride motorcycles, and Irish riverdance. One of the hoes, Svetlana became an underwater basket weaving business woman. I am quite proud of her. After that, I made a cameo in America's Next Top Model and forced the ladies to eat Twinkies until they got curvy, hourglass figures like me. Unfortunateley, Tyra passed out when this happened and I'm not entirely sure what happened to her after that. But me, the curvy and sexy models AND the cross dresser Miss Jay ran across the Golden Gate Bridge while "I'm Coming Out" played in the background and we ran and high fived epically. Then, we all went out to have brunch and do hardcore pilates. I actually didn't do anything on my list. But, I did hurt a few men and went shirtless, also being running around scandalously in a yellow tee shirt, ahh yeahh. Miss Jay is a guy, if you people didn't notice.
Hoho. Last but not least would be the riveting discussion topic of boy choirs. Boy choirs, especially the ones from random places in Europe really get my motor going, if y'all know what I mean. They are so thick n' creamy, with crooning Justin Bieber voices. Yum. When our choir met the Arizon Boys' Choir I almost orgasmed. So many delicious young men in colorful attire with awkward smiles, underdeveloped bodies, and braces. And this, children, is why I got kicked out of choir. Just kidding. I quit because I quit. Choir got boring, and this voice is grammy worthy.You can see why I like them choirboys.
....No just kidding. I inveigled all of them thick n' creamy boys into a room and pinched their buttcheeks, and this is the story of how I got kicked out. Sad, but true. Who can't resist the gleaming butts of choirboys? Not I.

The Result of Verbal Constipation

I'm sick. Why do I really, REALLY hate being sick, you might ask? The irritating lecture I get from my dad that makes it seem like I've been running out into the cold stark naked on a normal basis, thus catching a bad cold! Also, I've been eating like a pregnant woman and eating the weirdest combinations of foods you could imagine, such as mayonnaise on pretzels and peanut butter with pickles. I think I am a) pregnant b) depressed or c) a trannie. I also think that I'm going to die of a drug overdose, but I'm probably going to save that story for another REEEEEEEE-UHHRRR time on the toilet of verbal constipation. Yes, this is what I look like when I'm having problems pooping.
I was also thinking about furbies...I don't even know why....but they seem really creepy and entertaning? What are they? What kind of people would be stupid enough to actually buy one of these and make it a fad. Nothing will beat the power of SLINKY! But then again, I'm probably one of the only people who would find slinkies extremely funtertaining in a very more than platonic level. But IF I had a furby, I would scare people with it and put it in stalkerish places, like on the tree next to someone's window, in someone's shower, toilet, fridge, doorstep...Well, I actually wouldn't have a furby. I would have a shelby. Because those are clams, and who doesn't want a talking, hamsterowl clam?
Another thing I was thinking about was orgasm blush. Do men really find women with orgasmic red cheeks attractive? Is this some joke? Do you actually look hotter when you have an orgasm? Because to me, you probably look sweaty and slightly stoned...But really now? Orgasm? Super orgasm? Yeah, I like the super orgasm one....it describes what me clients have every visit for my dick...yow! If girls looked that great if they had orgasms, there would be tons of them getting laid and the world would be full of pregnant chicks, pedo-y, satisfied men, and a whole lot of them feti! Yum.
Also, I've thought about having arm dicks. What if your dick could sign autographs, make you a sandwich, slap someone for you, do your homework for you, etc? That would be so cool. We have to have some people start artificially selecting this trait, because I'm sure having arm peni would spread like wildfire. Or herpes.
I'm not going to search up arm penises, 'cause I don't want to see any of the frightful results.