America's Next Top Rapist.

I don't enjoy dreams. Especially the ones where you're being judged for a fashionable piano test and ones where you're about to be morrrested by an old creepy Asian man. The rest of this blog is most likely going to be endless rambling about my strange dreams. And all of the foreign movies I've watched, of course.

MY RAPIST DREAM. Oh my tits this was so creepy. I woke up and broke a sweat. I don't remember all of the hairy details however I remember ALMOST being raped. Not raped, which is pretty good. Anyways..My parents were hosting a huge potluck at our house. It was pretty huge, considering all of our neighbors, family friends, stray exchange students, professors studying abroad, and relatives were invited. You might be thinking "HOW CAN YOU GET RAPED WHEN THERE ARE ABOUT 59 PEOPLE IN YOUR HOUSE?!" Easy. There was this guy at our house named Professor Yi and he would always be looking over my shoulder, asking what I was doing, following me everywhere, etc. I'm used to this because I've had tons of Chinese people doing this stuff to me when they're over. My parents finally introduced me to the guy and he was some sort of biologist/artist. Then during the party my parents introduced me to this creep. Since it was crowded, he took me outside. I wasn't worried about rape since we were so close to the house. Suddenly he points to this weird cage, with a ton of foxes, squirrels, and "wildlife" I never see. He said some interesting stuff about them....as we were walking back to the house he took his hand and forced it down my shirt. Of course, I don't scream because that would make things worse and I sprinted back into the house. Surprisingly, he doesn't chase me. I think he left after that attempt. When I get into the house, everyone is very confused...about where I've been and what I've been doing. I told everyone the Professor guy tried to rape me but everyone was like "Nawwwwwwwwwwwwww." But then they were convinced when he had apparently left the party and I looked like something had scarred me for life. That was not a fun dream to have before CM.

The next one was about CM. Imagine America's Next Top Model....but..for pianos. It didn't make sense. But when do dreams do that? I vaguely remember Lizzi and I standing at the foot of this glitzy hotel with a bunch of competitors...one was a gay black guy with red hair. We met our judge, some kind of a white Tyra Banks except the thing was that I don't know how she promoted piano. I remember watching some kind of perfume commercial she was in that was somehow recreated like Inception...Then I remember being shoved into a pink and lacy practice room with Lizzi as I practiced my butt off.

Then I woke up.

Dreams of Glozell, Marching band, and ROASTED CAULIFLOWER.

I had another dream. Yesterday I was watching a Glozell video where she went to Disneyland and saw Tiana, the black princess. She was crying because the last time she went to Disney there weren't even black people in the parade. It made me want to hug her even more then when I saw The Help. Anyways, my dream strangely revolved around that. We were some place near Disneyland but near a desert and there was a small group of marching bands there...I feel like RB was there too but that group was pretty small, so.. It was a congregation of a bunch of people just sitting around on the dirt floor and on random bleachers practicing and Westview was just running around trying to find uniforms and the shako box shelves. Then everyone couldn't find anything because the truck was parked half a mile away and like usual, everything was super disorganized. Oh and we never even performed. After that Gungun kept on asking Marco if his mom was a "coupon queen" and he was like, "Eeyup! Only on Tuesdays though!" Gungun had some weird project that involved couponing. Fun. After that we ended up in this Sprouts place near the desert lot and all I remember was getting really cheap pies and lettuce. Cassie's mom was there and I think Marco's mom was there and they were like "YEAH LETTUCE AND CHEAP PIES". After that grocery shopping montage I don't remember anything else. Part 2 of my dream randomly involved going to some Asian girl's house in China and she had a shitload of Disney stuff in her room...all I remember was her saying "Ugh these were so expensive." I remember telling her about Glozell crying because they had a black princess.

That is all.

Also I'm making roasted cauliflower!!!!!!!!!

Dreamuuuuuuuuuuu

I've gone through that 1 dream per night phase and I would like to write them all down but I only really remember 2...

The first one was about this RV my family rented. It was cool, beat up, and inside it had a bar, groovay disco lights, beads, and it came with an Indian lady bartender? She made me mango smoothies. Yup. I don't know. So one day I woke up and was ready for school and got into the RV..when I got to Ellen's house to be dropped off, apparently no one was driving it..so I was confused and told Ellen's mom to help. She knocked on the RV door and our maid opened it and Ellen's mom turned to me and whispered in Chinese "Indian food smells stinky!". Then she ranted in her Asian accent of what she wanted the maid to do which was drive the RV back home. Finally as we waited in the car for Ellen, the lights on the RV slowly came on and it drove away. Weird, but it was pretty funny.

Then I had another dream a couple of weeks later about marching band. We had some competition in Germany..or some place that looked like Solvang and we stayed at this old, wood carving-esque hostel that was run by druggies, alcoholics, and prostitutes. We were getting ready for a competition and one of the men who ran it was like "Uh huh uh durr durr grab some absinthe and have fun!" And we sort of didn't drink the absinthe. After that everyone was getting ready on some sort of a sidewalk and people were confused about which uniform we had to wear. Apparently Vista asked our whole band to join their band so we could be a 6A. But, we were wearing uniforms that resembled MC's. Everyone was standing around very confused-like. Then somehow everyone disappeared and I had to wait for Justin to pick me up on a street corner for the competition. His van showed up, and he was wearing his Cal Poly SLO uniform but all he did was yell "Follow me!" and drove away. Naturally, I ran across the street, following him but I almost got hit by a bus. All I remember after that was talking to German people and trying to read German signs.

I need to stop staying up late >.<

Movie revoooos: AMELIE POULAIN. Oh, and Chocolat.

Over the break I watched a movie that had been hyped up a decade ago when I was about 5 or 6. I remembered watching it and all I remembered was a pale girl on a carnival ride getting groped by skeletons >.< So, I knew I had to watch it. Anyways, Amelie is my new favorite movie. It's so innocent but it's also sexual, and it's so sweet. It's pretty bunch a contradiction...it's a super surreal reality and it's not a cartoon but there are animations... I'm in love with foreign films now. A brief summary is that Amelie Poulain, a girl who in her childho

od was a pretty lonely kid (her mom was killed by a lady jumping off a building and after that all her dad did was make shrines with little gnomes and became sort of a borin
g old codger) which made her devise this little game in her head...she was always super curious, always knew what was right from wrong...She was just this cool little kid. When she grows up, she dedicates herself to being a good-doer, helping people in really creative ways. She fixes up everyone's lives and brightens them and goes through extreme measures, but somehow she can't fix her own. After running into a guy who does a bunch of odd jobs, Nino, there is some kind of SOULMATE label on his face after she finds out that he's a person just like her (he takes pictures of footprints in cement, takes pictures from

photobooths and repieces them). In the subway station, Nino drops his album and she finds it and devises a huge puzzle thing to give it back to him. The plan goes her way until there's a little misunderstanding and Amelie is disappointed at the very end....but then there's a happy ending. I don't want to give it away. Anyways, I liked the quirk of every character...and all of the subplots in the movie. It was complicated, but understandable and every character was well described and portrayed. I loved the way they shot it too..they would insert random clips of ORGASMS and sperm and all that is random but awesome. There was lots of color, lots of hidden details...Lots of symbolism, lots to think about, isn't

too predictable even if you read IMDB ;P That's what I always do. Amelie is a film I wouldn't mind watching 5 more times. Juno used to be one of my favorite movies, but the humor is very crude and just an average hipster/indie movie after you watch Les Fableux Destin D'Amelie Poulain. Also there are some awkward touchytouchy parts..such as the 15 orgasms scene, Amelie being humped by a guy scene, and the part where Amelie and Nino kiss each other and it's dead silent. And after that they wind up all funky. On a bed. Mmm.

Next, we have Chocolat, with Ohohoho Johnny Depp, Alfred Molina, and Juliette Binoche. When I used to think of Chocolat, I definitely remember Johnny Depp washing his hands in a chocolate fountain. Never mind. Anyways, Chocolat is a sappier, happy, and more predictable film. It's kind of a feel good film when you watch it but it was very meh after I watched Amelie. If you watch this, please watch it before Amelie. The things that disappointed me about this movie was that it was in a French setting, but no one spoke french. Some people had American accents, like Depp. Binoche and her daughter on screen both were french actresses but they spoke in English. It irritated me greatly which is why I almost didn't finish it. This is a story about a half French and south american mother and daughter traveling around Europe and settling down in a village in Normandy and they open up a "Mayan" chocolate shop. Unfortunately, they open it around Lent..ooh..and the mayor is like NOOOOPE DON'T GET CHOCOLATE DON'T CORRUPT MY VILLAGE. The lady (I forgot her name, this is how forgettable the movie is) is like "Nigga, I'm an atheist and I can do whatever I want. Now buy my chocolate". Basically after a montage of the lady selecting the "perfect" chocolate for the villagers, people go crazy over the confections and stuff. Other people refuse to go to the shop because it's lent and they don't want to break any rules. The mayor wants to see the shop go out of business, so he's like AHYUKAHYUK. There are 2 other subplots, one lady is abused by her husband and then starts to live at the shop and helps the mom and daughter around. The husband breaks in and is like ROARRR but they hit him with a frying pan. Classic.

PART 2

These water gypsy boat people stop at the village. Johnny Depp is one of them. The whole village is against them staying along the river but the LADY..THE LADY. The chocolate lady..welcomes them into her shop and shit and makes sexy to Johnny Depp. Then they have a partay and then she sleeps with him (Could've guessed that earlier) and then the village lights on fire for some reason and then there's this frantic scene. That's when I stopped watching.

Alright, this movie was not that bad but it seem so...scripted and unnatural. The little girl would always be like "Mother this " "Mother, that looks so very pretty!" and most girls don't talk like that. I'd rather have it in French so it'd sound nicer and I wouldn't understand a thing. But, if you're having a family movie night or some chick flick night this is pretty good. Actually I don't suggest family movie night because there's an awkward humping scene when THE CHOCOLATE LADY tells the story of how her French dad and South American mom met...and they have this 3 minute sex humpty dumpty scene as the narrator slowly tells the story. Sigh. Oh, and when THE LADY give a village woman a sack of chocolate for her husband to "heat stuff up"..they were probably filled with viagra. There's kind of a noisy implied sex scene.

THE END! More reviews to come. People don't read this. Why I do dis :(

MOVIES YAY YAY YAY!

SHIT. I left my computer on and the post I was starting on got deleted :( So so so movies I've recently watched are Lost In Translation and 500 Days Of Summer. So here are some takes on the movies!
500 Days Of Summer was adorable but also gloriously blunt and bittersweet...the way I like my movies. Like in Life Is Beautiful when Guido died BUT Giosue and Dora survived. Yes. Yes. I loved, weirdly, analyzing it (humanities has gotten to my head) and I loved the last part where they contrasted his dreams with reality with the two panels. It made me realize how harsh reality can be..which sucks. I never really was into Zooey Deschanel however Joseph Gordon Levitt gave me a love explosion and convinced me somehow that she was in fact the most beautiful woman in the world. JGL is great. He can pull off anything. Including my bra. Just kidding. But anyways this is seriously a movie I would direct. From casting..to everything that happens. I loved movies with girls as the sort of antagonist and guys all hilariously moody. It's a nice contrast. I also loved their date in IKEA with the Chinese family watching them get all freakaay and the sequence when JGL looked in the mirror and his reflection was James Dean and he skipped and there was a marching band..yummy. The narrating was amazing too, and also I thought it was hilarious when they watched a shower porno and reenacted it and pretty much broke the shower. Gives me ideas. My loins are burning with lust. Hoho. That movie was pretty much me in a nutshell, however in my movie someone would've probably died from a pancreas seizure.
Next in line is the lovely and much anticipated Lost In Translation. Bill Murray has this weird, old mannish deadpan humor which I guess, makes him kind of awkward and likeable. I've always had a strange girlcrush on Scarlett Johansson..SHE HAS AN AMAZING NAME but anyways she has her moments...but a lot of the time she can act like maybe a prettier version of Kristen Stewart. Sometimes she even sounds like her. But of course she's very talented. I don't exactly know why this movie blew me away. Honestly, it wasn't too amazing. It was missing elements to a great movie and it was a little slow pace but the drama really built up I guess behind the scenes. I loved the extensive Japanglish and that really weird Japanese talk show with the super fruity guy that Bob (Bill Murray) went on and it showed all the cultural barriers and other things people have to get used to while being in a different country. Somehow, being Asian, I really expected it. This is a movie I'd watch with anyone.......besides the topless asian strip clup scene.....it was kind of creepy.....cough super pointy nipples.. That comment will probably encourage many people to watch it ;P Anyways, I understand why this won so many awards. It probably inspired the guailou.

I'm done! Hopefully no one was too bored.
I'm going to wath Little Miss Sunshine and the Runaways Movie next..hopefully the Runaways Movie won't entirely butcher my dreams. Ugh. It already pissed me off that KSTEW and Dakota Fanning were in it. Nope.

Holy Fuck It's Been A LONG TIME

Oh shit. I really haven't taken this blogging stuff seriously but oh well. No one really reads this anyways....I'm going to save this blog for when my kids grow up to be perverted (yeah if they came out of MY cooch there's no doubt for that to happen) and they may appreciate my writings or they'll be like MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWM WHY R U LYK SO EMBURRSING UGHH LYK WOWWW. Anyways.....it's MLK day. He is arguably the most perfect man. I should be out hugging black people but unfortunately I am drooling at delicious shoes made by the delicious Jeffrey Campbell. This shall be mentioned in the next post. Also I'm seeing BOBBY NEXT MONTH AT BALBOA PARK OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. I'm going to throw my bra at him. Probably not because he's like.....70 so maybe I'll just ask him to sign my bobby shirt that was once my pops. Also who would play you in a movie, what would the movie be called, who would be your love interest, and who would be your faithful sidekick? For me it would be Nicolas Cage in his "cough sexy" days as he bleaches his skin yellow, Morgan Freeman as my love interest, my sidekick(s)? would be Whoopi Goldberg OR Uncle Joey from full house, Lana Del Rey/Dita Von teese/Carrot Top would be my hooker, and the movie would be called "IMNOTEASY: A biopic" or "The trees are silent. They pretend not to notice. That I am pooping."
Anyways my cooch hurts and I'm going to stop now and blog about my obsession.

Kpoop Moosic Nooz.

I haven't posted about Kpop in a while so I'm at it right now. Plus I mention ONE Jpop song. Hurhur. Here are some of the songs I've aquired this summer!
U Go Girl-Lee Hyori. Lee Hyori is like....the Britney Spears of Korea. This song is so terribly bad but it's so catchy. The mispronounced words are hilarious. "GUR. GUR. HAY YOO GOH GUR." Plus the music video is encouraging girls to go under the knife to get hot guys. Besides this video Hyori has done other stuff that is way better..Sort of.
Mr. Simple-Super Junior. Super Junior's comeback! "Hay! I'm Mistehr Simpuur!" Another fail in the beginning. Most people are picking out the part when they're like "Because I naughty naughty." But that part doesn't bother me. The song is pretty good for a comeback besides the weird orgasmic out of breath rapping.
Freestyle-4minute. 4minute's English phrases have improved drastically. I mean, they aren't my favorite but I always wind up listening to them. I think they recorded this for some kind of video game. I like the beginning but then it slowly turns into the 30 second ballady part of their songs. 4minute is like a more ghetto (in a bad way) and fakishly sexy version of 2ne1. But they're still catchy.
Hard But Easy (LOLOLO)-Luna and Krystal from f(x) The title made me cry with laughter. I wanted a solo song from Luna cause she has impressive chops but this was pretty good. Obviously it was recorded for a K drama.
Now-Wonder Girls. This is a cover of a song that was originally recorded by Lee Hyori's old girl group. I like it, even though they don't have very strong vocals.
Ugly-2ne1. WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT. That's all. The MV is cool. The chorus is lame.
Hate You-2ne1 Good and repetitive and the music video blew my underpants off.HOLY SHIT BOM. She looks so creepy. Please don't get another nose and eyelid job again.
I Am the Best-2ne1. Like a tribal techno sacrifice.Minzy looks hot. I underestimated her before.
Nothing Lasts Forever-Girl's Day. I liked the whiny vocals! I thought Girl's Day was an underage band. They aren't. :SI'm trying to look for more.
Mirror, Mirror-4minute. "Four minute slut! Four minute slut." It's 4 minutes LEFT. Get it right, bitches. Overall this was a good song but was scrutinized for its giving birth esque dancing. Leave it to Hyuna to get all slutty.
Bubble Pop!-Hyuna from 4minute. Hyuna is probably my least favorite kpop singer ever. She has a weird nasally little boy voice and acts way too sexy for like.....a 16 year old? Something like that. If she's 18 I'll let it go but in Korea you can't get as skanky as her. Anyways, this song was pretty bad and hilarious with the butt shaking and NO bubble popping whatsoever and the dubstep incorporated in it. Check that out.Yum, boob flashing.
Love Song-Big Bang. I loved this! No terrible engrish pronunciations PLUS a classy MV and graceful chicken dancing! WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR.
I'll Be Back-2PM. This song was meh. When I heard it in the hotel in Qingdao I was like yum yum but now it's just whiny and like a poopstain.
Copy and Paste-BoA. BoA is considered the best dancer in the kpop music industry. She doesn't have a great voice but ya really can't have it all. This reminds me of ghetto safari adventures.
My Name-BoA. This one reminds me of Spain, techno, and cinnamon buns.
Goodbye Baby-miss A. Comeback!! I like this because they sounded a lot more mature. I also gained lots of respect for Fei and I now know how naturally pretty she is because before she didn't wear any makeup and I was like "meh." People try to compare 2ne1 and miss A like so:
Bom:Suzy
Jia: Dara
Min: Minzy
Fei:CL
But in my p0int of view:
Jia:Bom. Both of them are striking and have unique voices.
Suzy:Dara You can't help but like them. They may not be SUPER amazing singers and dancers but they're still definitely above average (definitely better than me.), plus they're just cute.
Min:CL Min talks the most as well as CL and they have the most charisma.
Fei: Minzy. They can both dance frigging amazingly and sing decently.
Goodbye Happiness-Utada Hikaru. The jpop song! After listening to this, I like jpop more than kpop. It's just that I have no exposure to jpop and no one really listens to it except the weaboos at school. And they listen to pokemon music.
Go Go Summer!-KARA. KARA is getting way more annoying. They started all gangsta and now it's all pink and foofy. The song was good for their phone ad though.
Hot Summer-f(x). I hated this at first. But then I got extremely turned on by Luna. Yum. I love her.
THE END. I think your brains probably combusted in a fit of lust thinking about Luna's thighs.
Or is that just me?