MENOMENA

I'm dying a slow but very sure death. AKA blood is exiting my body and whatthehell, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS A MONTHLY PROCESS! And IT'S JUST AS PAINFUL EVERY DAMN TIME! Okay, I'll stop now. I don't want people *coughhack* passing out as I spew out my feminine problems. Speaking of spew, it's happ-Just kidding! I won't go that far. But maybe I will. AND MAYBE I'LL RIP ALL OF YOUR GOD DAMN BUTTCHEEKS OFF! Pant. Pant. Pant. This is how bi polar I get. There really needs a cure to periods. Not even Tiger Balm can prevent it, and I'm pretty sure Tiger Balm can cure AIDS. If you don't know what Tiger Balm is, it's pretty much the Asian remedy for all problems. Mosquito bites, uh..... Oh well. It's still the remedy for all problems.
I'm so addicted to the website Free Rice. I don't even know why. I remember we used to play it because we were bored in 6th grade and Mrs. Cochran didn't feel like teaching. Now I spend at least an hour on it every day donating rice to children and becoming a smartass. Oh yeah. Do it! It's educational, funtertaining, and helps starving people! I felt so smart and was like "I'M POWNING ERRYONE!" until I realized I was on level one and there were 60 levels. I question if I'm actually Asian when these incidents happen on a daily basis.
Since the concept of hair has been brought it quite a few times this week due to a) Nic getting a sultry hair cut b) Rachel Trumbore making a 500 People Join and My Sister Lizzi MIGHT Get An Afro! I searched up "interesting haircuts". The results I got really concerned me and kind of made me wet my panties. I don't even know how to describe them. Well, the ones that made me puke with laughter the most (that sounds messy...) were....the face shaved into the back of the guy's head....and all the poodle haircuts to make them look like peacocks, bison, lions.......HAHA I felt so bad for those Sierra tastic poodles. They looked so sad. Oh and I can't leave out the hunky centaur man with the prominent Widow's peak and hearts shaved into his chest hair. *shudderOmar* Jizzy jizz jizz.
Last Friday when I was on a Japanese confection raid for Timmy's birthday, I stumbled over such a magnificent creation. Cheese flavored Kit Kats. Whatthefuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! Ew, imagine eating this gross cheesy stuff that has this chocolate consistency to it......ewwwww. It's like a dehydrated (sort of) version of those crackers you dip in cheese but this time it's sealed with gross cheese stuff and is between wafers! Yum, you kinky Japanese! Sigh, oh Japanese people, with their tenticle pornos and delicious cuisine. Someday, I wish to try this. But not really. Cheese is aged cow boob juice. Ew.
Another animal I obsess over is the Llama. And Alpaca. And Vicuna. All of those delicious, spitting, llama-ish mammals. Though the llama is freaking awesome and nifty, they should be considered phallic symbols. Look at the pictures below and you shall see. Llamas also remind of of Lucas Hoshino while he rocks out with his bassoon. This llama in particular reminds me of him when he makes his sex face. If you don't know what his sex face is, you should probably consult me.BEHOLD! LUCAS HOSHINO!
Last but not least, I have a question to the whole world and the limited viewers of my blog...What AM I going to do in China? Is YouTube really banned. Because if so.....I WON'T BE ABLE TO LISTEN TO MY DAILY DOSE OF K POP! *hyperventilates* I guess I'll find something to do besides that... Like knit a sweater. Or do pushups. And I can't even listen to a LITTLE bit of K pop since my Ipod broke after 4 hardy years. I'm not entirely sure if I'm getting a new one so it's MP3 player time. Wait, I don't even think we have one of those. o.oThis is what I'm going to turn into after China. Do you know what would be really cool? If all my friends came up to LAX to get me and then slow cheesy music plays and there's slo mo running and everyone touches me inappropriately in public. Mmm. I can dream, can't I?

Bye! I'm verbally constipated.

Unleashing My Inner Communist

If you noticed the word "Communist" in my title, be sure to whisper it, or the creepy ginger kid that high fived me for being a true blue communist is going to pop out of your closet, undie drawer, nearby dumpster, out of a unicorn and covered in blood and guts, etc. As cow is to mammal, Chinese person is to Communist. It is implied that I am going to China sometimes soon. And soon means June 19. On this trip...I'm the mother duck. With 2 children. One is 12 and one is 6. Are you kidding me. A 6 year old...if I lose him in the baggage claim, I'm just going to blame that on the 12 year old. I also really hope I don't end up going to Ulaan Batar or something, because me + airports= a jizzbox of frustration. I'll also be scared if the people give me a pat-down.....aka grope down and the lady "accidently" takes a hold of my dick and is like "Oh me grawwwd! This girl hash something dangrus store in ha pents!!" And then I'll have to explain that I am a transvestite and I'll have to pull out all the certifications and fun stuff.

So what am I going to do in China? Here's what I'm going to do.
1. Buy the strangest things I find, including Chinglish clothing and weird inventions.
2. Attempt to visit all my relatives, including my 1 prego cousin and my other cousin who has a baby, my Godmother, and my mom's creepy family friends who admired my butt the last time I went to Shanghai, which was when I was 7. Yup. It's okay though, they were women and plus in Chinese I think it's considered a good thing when people tell you you're getting chubbier and when they examine your derriere. I also have to visit Song Xiao Lai, my artist cousin and my K pop cousin, whose name I forgot. I also have to make a cardboard cut out of him and ship it to Nic's front door.
3. Go illegal DVD and CD hoarding. The DVDs and CDs will probably be really random, our family gets so much random shit from the vendors. For DVDs, we've gotten lots of Sex and the City (they were my dad's guity pleasure)...sadly, that's the only thing I remember. For CDs we've gotten Norah Jones, Arabic Jams, Chinese Reed Flute Music....etc. They tend to break within 1 month to 3 years. I plan on buying many K pop CDs and maybe some Brit Brit Spears, Cher, and Aaron Carter. Oh yeah. Chickachickaaaaaah. Aaron Carter is really creepy now, I just realizeed.
4. Video Chat with the low reeds! I really want to do that....they could chat at 4 PM and I could chat at 8 AM......we could all eat dinner and breakfast together.
5. Go to random and fun places and stuff my face. Who doesn't do that on vacation?
6. Try to buy instruments. I really want to get a bass or get my own bass clarinet. They'd probably be really crappy though but oh well!

Lastly, I'll probably be doing a lot of moping around and missing all my friends *cue the AAWWWWWWWWW* *coughack even if they won't miss me* Even though this is going to be the first summer out of a while where I've been gone for a while, this is going to be a good opportunity for me and there'll definitely be times to rape I mean "hang out" with each other after I come back. One thing I'm pretty pissed about is that I can't do Summer Band.....bleck...if I did, I'd only have 3 days. I'm coming back on the 19th......my parents actually listened to me! I'm actually staying for exactly a month! Not even 1 more day. Gotta love my parents. I expect after a weary car ride from LAX back to my house everyone throwing streamers and showering me with champagne. Just kidding.

Even though that would be really cool. Unless everyone broke into my house.