If you noticed the word "Communist" in my title, be sure to whisper it, or the creepy ginger kid that high fived me for being a true blue communist is going to pop out of your closet, undie drawer, nearby dumpster, out of a unicorn and covered in blood and guts, etc. As cow is to mammal, Chinese person is to Communist. It is implied that I am going to China sometimes soon. And soon means June 19. On this trip...I'm the mother duck. With 2 children. One is 12 and one is 6. Are you kidding me. A 6 year old...if I lose him in the baggage claim, I'm just going to blame that on the 12 year old. I also really hope I don't end up going to Ulaan Batar or something, because me + airports= a jizzbox of frustration. I'll also be scared if the people give me a pat-down.....aka grope down and the lady "accidently" takes a hold of my dick and is like "Oh me grawwwd! This girl hash something dangrus store in ha pents!!" And then I'll have to explain that I am a transvestite and I'll have to pull out all the certifications and fun stuff.
So what am I going to do in China? Here's what I'm going to do.
1. Buy the strangest things I find, including Chinglish clothing and weird inventions.
2. Attempt to visit all my relatives, including my 1 prego cousin and my other cousin who has a baby, my Godmother, and my mom's creepy family friends who admired my butt the last time I went to Shanghai, which was when I was 7. Yup. It's okay though, they were women and plus in Chinese I think it's considered a good thing when people tell you you're getting chubbier and when they examine your derriere. I also have to visit Song Xiao Lai, my artist cousin and my K pop cousin, whose name I forgot. I also have to make a cardboard cut out of him and ship it to Nic's front door.
3. Go illegal DVD and CD hoarding. The DVDs and CDs will probably be really random, our family gets so much random shit from the vendors. For DVDs, we've gotten lots of Sex and the City (they were my dad's guity pleasure)...sadly, that's the only thing I remember. For CDs we've gotten Norah Jones, Arabic Jams, Chinese Reed Flute Music....etc. They tend to break within 1 month to 3 years. I plan on buying many K pop CDs and maybe some Brit Brit Spears, Cher, and Aaron Carter. Oh yeah. Chickachickaaaaaah. Aaron Carter is really creepy now, I just realizeed.
4. Video Chat with the low reeds! I really want to do that....they could chat at 4 PM and I could chat at 8 AM......we could all eat dinner and breakfast together.
5. Go to random and fun places and stuff my face. Who doesn't do that on vacation?
6. Try to buy instruments. I really want to get a bass or get my own bass clarinet. They'd probably be really crappy though but oh well!
Lastly, I'll probably be doing a lot of moping around and missing all my friends *cue the AAWWWWWWWWW* *coughack even if they won't miss me* Even though this is going to be the first summer out of a while where I've been gone for a while, this is going to be a good opportunity for me and there'll definitely be times to rape I mean "hang out" with each other after I come back. One thing I'm pretty pissed about is that I can't do Summer Band.....bleck...if I did, I'd only have 3 days. I'm coming back on the 19th......my parents actually listened to me! I'm actually staying for exactly a month! Not even 1 more day. Gotta love my parents. I expect after a weary car ride from LAX back to my house everyone throwing streamers and showering me with champagne. Just kidding.
Even though that would be really cool. Unless everyone broke into my house.
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