The Result of Verbal Constipation

I'm sick. Why do I really, REALLY hate being sick, you might ask? The irritating lecture I get from my dad that makes it seem like I've been running out into the cold stark naked on a normal basis, thus catching a bad cold! Also, I've been eating like a pregnant woman and eating the weirdest combinations of foods you could imagine, such as mayonnaise on pretzels and peanut butter with pickles. I think I am a) pregnant b) depressed or c) a trannie. I also think that I'm going to die of a drug overdose, but I'm probably going to save that story for another REEEEEEEE-UHHRRR time on the toilet of verbal constipation. Yes, this is what I look like when I'm having problems pooping.
I was also thinking about furbies...I don't even know why....but they seem really creepy and entertaning? What are they? What kind of people would be stupid enough to actually buy one of these and make it a fad. Nothing will beat the power of SLINKY! But then again, I'm probably one of the only people who would find slinkies extremely funtertaining in a very more than platonic level. But IF I had a furby, I would scare people with it and put it in stalkerish places, like on the tree next to someone's window, in someone's shower, toilet, fridge, doorstep...Well, I actually wouldn't have a furby. I would have a shelby. Because those are clams, and who doesn't want a talking, hamsterowl clam?
Another thing I was thinking about was orgasm blush. Do men really find women with orgasmic red cheeks attractive? Is this some joke? Do you actually look hotter when you have an orgasm? Because to me, you probably look sweaty and slightly stoned...But really now? Orgasm? Super orgasm? Yeah, I like the super orgasm one....it describes what me clients have every visit for my dick...yow! If girls looked that great if they had orgasms, there would be tons of them getting laid and the world would be full of pregnant chicks, pedo-y, satisfied men, and a whole lot of them feti! Yum.
Also, I've thought about having arm dicks. What if your dick could sign autographs, make you a sandwich, slap someone for you, do your homework for you, etc? That would be so cool. We have to have some people start artificially selecting this trait, because I'm sure having arm peni would spread like wildfire. Or herpes.
I'm not going to search up arm penises, 'cause I don't want to see any of the frightful results.

Eloping! Middle Aged Brit Teen Pop Meets Middle Aged Pedo Pop

Oh baybeh baybeh.

The Wiggles are a underrated group of talented men in vibrant coloured shirts. Not only have they taught children how to sing about the most pointless things in life, such as salads made of fruit, they have gained a fan base of teenage girls drooling over their bodies, one of them would be me. People usually look at them and go "WOW. Look at those pedos." If you haven't met me, you might not want to use the term 'pedo' liberally. When you see my face, it is literally a carbon copy of pedobear. Anyways, I'll do some enriching of the brain for these biased people out there who can't appreciate 4 hunky Australian men entertaning children.
First off is the super smexy, hunky dory JEFF FATT! Jeff Fatt is not only the only Asian in the group, he is also Chinese, sleeps in awkward places, dons an attractive purple shirt, and his last name is "Fatt". Can you smell the irony? Plus, he's the oldest one and is almost 60. Yum. He also does a really arousing bug-eyed jizz-in-my-pants face and it's kind of amazing.


The second Wiggle is Murray Cook! As in the red one. Oh Murray, how I adore his charming down-syndrome smile, auburnish hair, and interesting accent. He was always oblivious and I remember pausing the show to stare at his creepy smiles.

The third Wiggle (the blue one) is Anthony Field, with the beer belly and the charming smile and kind of reminded me of a dwarf. He was pretty hunky but now he's old and gray but whatever! The magic of the Wiggles is timeless!

Last but ohoho definitely not least was Greg Page, the yellow one. I liked him because 1. He was long tan and handsome 2. Probably liked Asians, since he sported yellow. He was also the Paul McCartney of the group, making single moms all around the universe jizz their frilly panties. Unfortunately, Greg left the group and is replaced by some porous faced young man, boo. In this picture, Greg looks quite pedotastic but he is actually quite the dreamboat, bear with me please.
So like any other normal person would do, I was thinking "WHAT IF THE WIGGLES MARRIED THE SPICE GIRLS?!" And this is how it would end up:
Scary and Jeff
Baby and Anthony
Greg and Posh
Sporty and Murray

And Ginger hits on Dorothy the Dinosaur! Erryone's happy!

Riveting. Just Oh So Riveting.

E'er heard of getting a scholarship just by having tons of random people rate your body parts? Which means.......my dick is going on that page when I'm a senior. I just hope that you can send in a picture of a lopped off dick. Three days ago, someone chopped off my dick while I was asleep (I know, right...) and since I have no use for it now, it is like one of those creepy Alaskanian moose heads, mounted on my wall, antlers and all. My loving boyfriend, who is apparently an expert on dicks (My condition has NOTHING to do with circumcision, neutering, etc. according to him) has bought me a replacement dick! It is actually a real butternut squash, with a nasty war wound on the side. He's not the greatest gourd picker but this shall do, it's better than having no genitalia at all except for a hot fudge sundae scratch and sniff sticker and taking a piss through your butt. Anyways, back to the scholarship spiel. Vote for Jus-Humphrey!! You can find out his real name if you click on the link, he told me that if colleges searched his name and found him on this blog, he probably wouldn't be accepted. What kind of a lame college uses a suckish search engine like Google? Stalkers.
Please vote for him and repost the link, send it to your hombres, yeah yeah yeah. His nose is like a fine, bulbous mountain growing out of his face, and it also comes with bony nose nipples, aka "mipples".
Plus, he is also a prestigious porn star and bass clarinet extraordinaire! Do it, or else I might have to touch you with my meaty hands.

Justi-I mean Humphrey/Juicy Samurai/Pelvic Thrustin' Just**/Lustin' For Just**/Thunder Thighs/Busty Justy's link.
http://www.brickfish.com/Pages/PhotosAlbums/PhotoView.aspx?scid=593&picid=1312790_80283013&profilename=Lifestyles&groupname=BestFacialFeature3&tab=submit&jspost=1&everr=False&redirlogin=1&cid=7925119&new=1&isep=1&pbapi=2665849&pbvi=241082549&plyli=1&pdi=23&=FBPOST&notpbb=true

Come a Little Bit Closer, Bay-beh.

Can you finish the lyrics? You probably can't. But I can! Stupid bastard. This is why I, Natafee am going to reinforce your knowledge of the groundbreaking 90's Brit girl group, The.....SPICE GIRLS!

The Spice Girls were and are still amazing. Back then, there songs were hailed and performed and covered by teenagers like you and me, usually in the room with a mediocre boombox and a hairbrush as a makeshift microphone. Now? People like Justin Boobie- I mean Bieber and that lady with candy breasts have taken over the music industry. But this, my friends....is pop at it's best.


First off and my personal favorite (Sorry, Lizzi) is Sporty Spice aka Melanie Chisholm. Sporty Spice was not the flashiest dresser, did not seem as sexy and charming as the others, but had a powerful and unique singing voice and is probably the best singer in the group. She could hit high notes like a wicked opera singer on LSD and it was amazing. She also has a charming Irish accent and actually had a really nice, pretty face that was natural and not caked with makeup. Cough. Geri. Plus, she had an 8 pack. Mrrow. The only bad thing was that after the Spice Girl's broke up, she chopped her long brown ponytail and traded it in for a Ellen Degeneres esque lesbo pixie cut.

My second favorite of the Spice Girls would be Scary Spice, Melanie Brown. She was a foxy black girl who loved screaming and scaring goldfish and wore provocative and innovative outfits, most of them being tight and leopard related. She also has a lovely Leeds accent and looks quite fabulous in platform boots and astronaut suits. She also is intelligent and not a whore, because she looks sekahsee all the time. I like her soothing voice but sometimes I think that she should've been given Sporty Spice's more powerful parts in the songs to give her voice a more "scary" feel, because to me, she has a scary, awesome look and personality, but her voice isn't rising above and doing crazy things. Her raps are quite hardcore though. Not hating on Scary though, because duh, she's my second favorite.

My third favorite was the adorable Baby Spice, Emma Bunton. Baby Spice was awesome because she could totally pull off the cute innocent WHORE look. She had the cute pigtails and girly smile and lollipop, but dressed like a total kinderwhore. I love it. I think she's the only white girl to pull off that look. You see, if you bought a slutty french maid costume and gave it to any random girl on the streets, she would look like a......prostitute. But on the other hand, if you gave it to Miz Bunton, she would just look like......Baby Spice! And I love her face. It's so cute and chubby and I want to pinch it. I still do...because she still pretty much looks like that. Except wears more conservative clothing. Oh well, she can rock a sweater vest as much as I can rock me some nice sweatpants.

My fourth favorite would be Posh Spice, otherwise known as VICTORIA BECKHAM! Before she was married to the douchey soccer player, she was Victoria Adams, with a snooty London accent. She had the best fashion sense in the whole group and was probably one of the people who caused teenage girls to go anorexic. Besides Twiggy. She had a firy temper about her clothing and probably spat on polyester. People say that she couldn't sing but damnit, she was in the Spice Girls! Of course you had to have above average chops to be in that group! She has a pretty, low voice and it fits nicely when she sang the bottom vocals in the "get it on" part in 2 Become 1. It was a sultry 4 seconds.

Last and very much the least would be Ginger Spice, Geri Halliwell. There are many reasons why I dislike her.
1. Her name is Geri, very much like "Jeri" which is the name of my band director.
2. She did nothing except flash her boobies and dance around in panties or booty shorts.
3. Had a slimy, mucus-y voice
4. Wasn't a real ginger...like my band director. Their hair is actually QUITE similar.
5. Resembles my band director a lot. Pasty, fake gingers, blonde highlights, pretty chunky.
6. Was the one who pretty much broke the Spice Girls up.
She was usually the favorite, making people swoon with her sultriness but to me, her sultry factor is the same as a baboon's.

And to sum it all up, they made a MOVIE! It was great, but according to IMBD it sucked. Well, it didn't. It screamed GIRL POWER! more than a Riot Grrl song.

My Male Appendage

No one is going to read this. But I know I will. Well, recently I have exposed to the world that I have a male appendage. I'm going to let it all hang out and slide across the floor, and if you don't like hearing a female talk about their no no square, then I advise you to exit in a graceful manner. Well, my "no no square" aka PENIS is the shape, size, color, and texture of a butternut squash. People may say "Don't you mean the other way around?" No, I don't. And butternut squashes are the ultimate phallic symbol. But then again, the size of mine just blows all the other types of male genitalia out of the water. My appendage can do many, many, many creative things, such as.

1. It's really useful when playing tag.
2. I can clean the house with it. See? Double the work in LESS time!
3. I can play the bongos with it.
That was many.

My butternut squash-esque appendage also gets me into a lot of trouble, like people think I have a permanent boner, airplanes try to land on it, etc.

Not all ladies are as well endowed as me. You should be lucky you have an EGGPLANT.
Mmm, thick n' creamy.