The Opera.

OH YEAH. Greer Grimsley has the best evil laugh ever.
Ailyn Perez and Stephen Costello....as Romeo and Juliet. What a steamy young couple.


I may have informed you all that I attended the Opera about....2 weeks ago and tonight. I thought it would kind of suck.......the hall smelling of old ladies and faux fur, butt aches, and boring actors and such.. That facade was not true. The worst thing really was all the annoying coughing and hacking going on. I wanted to ask the elderly gentleman next to me "Are you laying eggs, sir?", but that would not have been the inapropropropropro. Today I watched the opera Faust. Since I REALLY don't want to give a longass synopsis, I shall tell a modern version of it!!
Old ugly smart guy wants to get laid. But he can't get laid. He's old. And ugly. He makes a pact with the devil (GASP) and sells his soul to him to get one wish. He wishes to be hot and young and Brad Pitt-esque. A few days later in the........epicenter of the....uh..city? There is a beerfest of drunken soldiers going to war. Iraq, that is. Just kidding. It didn't take place in Iraq. But I'M MAKING IT MODERN. One of the soldiers has this long spiel about protecting his little sister and it gave me the thought that he wanted to sleep with her and was super territorial. But.....he wasn't. Well, for now. He makes this pre pubescent Justin Biebery youth protect her and he is smitten with her sekahseeness. And I can see why....boobies, of course! Then the dude and devil walk in and the guy is like "Heyyyyyy there tuts! Would you like to 'take my arm?'' He is....rejected. Then there was the intermission! My butt was perfectly fine! I did not get up.
The intermission is done. Yay! Scene 2: There's a garden and the sexy lady's front porch. The JBiebery youth prances around and picks a nubby bouquet of flowers from her OWN damn garden to give to her. Wow. Then he squeals with delight and runs off into the horizon and is like " I MUST PROCLAIM ME LOVE TO HERRR!" then Faust.....we'll call him Fabio.....to make him seem more hunky and "modern" comes in with the devil and sings for 20 minutes about her sexiness. He, being a love-starved sexless greenhorn picks flowers from her OWN garden as well. What the hayull. Then shazaaam! The devil pops out of the well and gives Fabio a box of jewels to leave at her doorstep. She finds them the next day and dies of happiness because well, duh! All girls like shiny things! Fabio seduces her some more. The Devil, in his charming Antonio Banderas form has sex in a bush with some husbandless MILF that is the girl's neighbor. Fabio and his lady lover duet and make out multiple times. Hoho. Then they finally stop sucking face, and Fabio lets his lady lover go to sleep. Then, she sings some more on her balcony and how her vagina is tingling with delight. Just kidding! Then she goes outside in a sheer nightgown (oh bababababy) and Fabio is STILL there, being a lurker. Fabio runs into her house and they probably had wild sex, though they cut it out. But we can most definitely assume that, hohohohoho.
Second intermission! We move down from the awesome balcony to the first floor. Worst idea ever, Dad.
A year later after raucous love making and tired private parts, Fabio suddenly disappears and leaves his lady love, Marguerite. Why? The devil likes to mess around with people and make them seem like niggabitch playboys. Oh, and I will call her Marge. Why? I don't know. She is PREGGO! This is like Juno, sort of, but with more wraths and whatnot. She is weaving at a loom and people snicker at her preggoness. She sig and pines for Fabio, but honey, he ain't coming back. Until laaaater. JBiebs makes another appearance to seduce Marge but she rejects him some more. After that, the soldiers come home! Marge's brother is like "WHAT THE HAYULLL GIRL WHY YOU PREGGERS?" and reveals her stomach to the world. Then Fabio comes along with the devil and Fabio and her brother sword fight. Marge's brother loses. Who knew a dying man could sing so amazingly. He tells Marge basically that..she sucks, is a ho, it's her fault for his death, and that she's soooo damned. Like, totally. Then they change scenes to a church. Marge prays for Fabio and her baby but then the red backlight goes on and Antonio Banderas....I mean, the devil says that she's damned, blah blah blah. He appears in random places and tells her that multiple times. She wails/orgasms.
LAST SCENE: Marge is in jail. Why? She killed her baby. I'm not surprised. The devil, attempting to be nice ish tries to get Fabio to sneak her out. She orgasms at his face and they make out multiple times. Then, Fabio and Marge get into a disagreement. Fabio wants to leave. Marge wants to "stay awhile"......probably to have noisy sex. Then, Fabio's hand spontaneously starts bleeding and Marge is like "EWWWWWWWWW". Then, Anto-I mean the Devil spits fire and drags Fabio to hell. He tries to fight back, but hey, when you've sold your soul to the devil.....you've sold it, biatch! Heavenly light shines on these huge stairs in front of Marge and voices going REBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRTHHHHHHHHH sing and she walks slowly onto the stairs into this vortex of light.
THE END.
I guess that really wasn't that short......but wasn't that riveting?
I made it sound really stupid.....but it was pretty awesome.
I'm sorry for butchering your Opera, San Diego.

PS: I figured out Faust and Marguerite were actually MARRIED in real life. I swear, all of the plays that feature one of them, the other has to be the love interest in the play. Actually, that's kind of cute. I think all that making out in the opera is going to lead to many, many babies due to sex in the bathroom at the after show reception. Well, many, many babies with great singing chops.

I'm going to bed.