A Super Late Review Of Born This Way. PLUS I MADE PANCAKES THIS MORN.

Is it bad that I loved this cover?

I made super delicious pancakes today. I followed a recipe but they tasted a little more asian. I also used a little more oil than I should've but it tasted even better. If I break out in zits, oops. It was worth it though. I've been craving pancakes since........3 months ago. PANCAKU.
I'm going to review Born This Way like I planned to a while ago. I didn't because I didn't want to exercise my fingers. And my commentary would be like "This was pretty good/bad/potato."
Since it's pretty early today I shall start commentating! Hoho. Strangely I like Beyonce's 4 better than this. I know. Strange. Here I go.
1. Marry the Night-I was a bit bored with this. I also never really listened thoroughly, but it was just a hodgepodge of stuff that kind of bored me.
2. Born This Way-I thought it was going to be a slow song when she was sort of doing live teasers of it, but it turned out to be fast. I didn't love it in the beginning but it sort of grew a little on me. Plus it has a good message and you can feel some of those Madonna vibes lodged in there.
3. Government Hooker-I LOVED THIS. Especially the yodeling in the beginning to the small parts when she says "Ay mi papito." Classic.
4. Americano-This song wasn't my favorite but it was pretty cool because of the lyrics that told a story. The beginning sounded cliche but I guess it was a unique song overall.
5. Judas-Funny, I really hated this song because I hated the repetition of "Judas" but this one grew on me the most. I really like it now and I'm glad it came out as her second single.
6. Hair-This is one of my top favorites. I replayed this song like 23948239742937492374 times. I liked the saxophone in it and the dancey 80's feel. It wasn't as out there as Born This Way but it still had a strong message. Plus hair + freedom? Cool and weird comparison.
7. Scheisse-Scheisse means 'shit' in German. So when I found that out and inserted it into the song, it was like "SHIT BE MINE." Which sounds cool when you say it in a tough trucker voice. But the German didn't make sense at all. This song grew on me second fastest. I used to think there was way too much repetition but that's what makes this song itself.
8. Bloody Mary-I liked the intro, but this song was kind of sluggish like Marry the Night and Electric Chapel. There may've been faster parts but I just got really bored in the beginning.
9. Bad Kids-I loved this. It reminded me of Spice Girls/Madonna gone MAVERICK. ROGUE. Seeearah Peeahlin.
10. Highway Unicorn (Road to Love)-So I'm guessing Gaga was completely stoned when she wrote this. I used to think it was really stupid with her songs about ponies and unicorns but this eventually grew on me. Probably because it always came on when I did shuffle and I was too much of a lazyass to change it.
11. Heavy Metal Lover-I really like this! The intro is a bit slow but it got going after 40 seconds and I loved it.
12. Electric Chapel-BORRRING. I'm sorry. This was one of the 4 songs I actually downloaded before buying the CD and this one was the one I hated the most.
13. You and I-I had no way of putting the umlaut on the 'u'. But, this song was really nice and ballady but it was very repetitive. It was like Verse 1 YOU AND I YOU AND I x12 verse 2 YOU AND I YOU AND I x3495 Guitar solo YOU AND I YOU AND I (insert some growls and moans) x345. I liked how Brian May (guitarist in Queen) was featured in it but this is definitely not the best of her ballads.
14. Lastly there's Edge Of Glory-Some people thought this was a weak track but I personally liked it. It was adrenaline causing. It was simple but not way too repetitive and it was unique and it had the longest sax solo.
I also had the bonus track Fashion Of His Love: Her voice was a little chipmunky but I liked how it sounded Whitney Houston infused. And a tiny smidge of Spice Girls.
Overall, Born this Way has deeper meaning than the Fame and the Fame Monster and it has a tougher sound, but I think her versatility in the last two albums were a bit better. A ton of her songs sounded really different but now a lot of them sound not the same, but generally speaking 'similar' because all she really uses now is synthesizer and heavy beats and I don't know. You'd have to listen to the albums.
I also wish she used a different album cover. It's not easy to take the cover seriously but after a while I got used to it. She did so many photos for it and she picked this one. I guess it's not terrible but really now? I was expecting tentacles (oh baby), dismembered plastic babies, and dancing capybaras. Yup.

Reviewing the Beyonce CD!

The lovely Lizzi gave me the album "4", the newest album from Beyonce. For the longest time I didn't really respect her but after I heard one song from the album I have full fledged respect for her. I used to be more of an Alicia Keys woman...man.....thing. Anyways, here's some commentary on each and every song. Except the remixes.
1+1-This song is ok....to me it's kind of whiny and sex desperate. Ahee.
I Care-I thoroughly enjoyed this. It was so feisty and Black woman infused.
I Miss You-Hmm, I don't think I've really listened to to this one that much because I a) have no general ideas about this song OR b) it's a forgettable song. I don't really know.
Best Thing I Never Had-Story of my life. Actually, story of me and Shahil.
Rather Die Young-I used to not really like it but it really grew on me. Partially because it was all soulful but had that 90's RB feel sort of.
Start Over-The beat in the beginning automatically made me like the song. It's really simple but I just liked it. A lot.
Love On Top-Pretty much the first song Lizzi showed me that gave Beyonce a chance. This song is amazing......with all those key changes that get irritating because she makes me feel like a tone deaf walrus. Which I am.
Countdown-It sounds like she's saying "me and my BOOB BOOB BOOB BOOB" or boof. Or poof. and it is quite TITillating. See what I did-Never mind.
End Of Time-This was a a good song too! Though I wonder if she was thinking about Jay-z while writing all of these songs. I know she probably didn't (and she probably had other people write them for her) but haha every time I think about Jay-z for these songs I feel like Beyonce is super bi-polar >.<
I Was Here-One of the more "depressing" songs on the album. I liked this one too. GOTTA HAVE SOME VARIETY. I feel like this song would play in a K drama. Or if America had soap operas modeled after K dramas, this would totally be in it when the main character tries to DIE. Nah, the main character never dies, it's usually the elderly dad or grandpa.
Run the World-Okay, I don't understand how this one is the most popular. It sucks the biggest, juiciest donkey balls ever. Well it's not that bad but no matter how hard I try to listen to it, it still never grows on me. This shows how bad the music taste of generic Americans are.
Party ft. Andre 3000-At first the rap was kind of "wut?". "Gurrrrl ahhll make milk drip down yo' knees"...BUT this grew on me super quickly. And I love it so much. This one has the most prominent 90's RB feel to it PLUS it kind of reminds me of a female underage version of Let's Get It On by the sultry Marvin Gaye. Marvin Gaye's dad killed Marvin. Slut. Andre 3000 was in Outkast. Which means he sang the 'hey ya' song. Now how 'bout that trivia!
And there's the bonus tracks:
Lay Up Under Me: The song was alright, but I LOVED the title. I was like "oh snap gurl. Beyonce dominates......IN BED." It reminded me of Robin Scherbatsky.
Schoolin' Life: This song had an 80's anthem feel to it, and I loved it a lot. I actually haven't been listening to it recently, which is weird, but I'll get to it soon. I'm getting distracted by Kpop. Which is Kenyan pop.
Dance For You-Meh. Definitely about lap dancing. And the lyrics sort of creep me out, mainly cause I lay awake in bed listening to this album at night.

So the end!
My top five of this album would definitely be
Love On Top, Schoolin' Life, Party, I Care, and Rather Die Young.

Here's the rather sekahsee cover of the album.


Okay, for the longest time I didn't know it was called "4".
.__.

Posessed (NSYNC Breaks Into My Room)

Clearly my jetlag ain't over. Yesterday around 2 PM (oh baby, the hottest time of the day) I felt super tired so I went to bed. I was sleeping on my side and I'm sure that my hand was pushed back against my will. It was sort of a dream but I felt like someone was bringing my hand back from the side of my pillow to my waist. I felt like I was struggling but I guess not....jetlag does some pretty crazy things to people. Also, NSYNC broke into my room and started possessing AND serenading me with No Strings Attached. It was interesting, and Chris Kirkpatrick looked creepier than ever. I'm also pretty sure they tied me up. Hot, sexy bondage dreams involving boy bands. Well, at least it wasn't the Backstreet Boys or LMF or whatever group that sang the really stupid song "Summer Girls". I just searched up LMF to make sure I was right, and boy was I wrong....LMF is a Canto pop group that stands for Lazy Motha Fucka. HAHA.
This is a group that I need to be in. I would tap dat PHAT ass. Sigh I love the names War, Phat and Prodip. IM PRODIP. Lolololololo.
Okay, the right name of the group that sang the lame song is LFO. Yow. Look at that delicious anus face. Just kidding. I love you CK. You made NSYNC....NSYNC.

I kept on waking up from weird 5 minute dreams.....I just watched the movie Rite, about a demon/the devil getting into this priest (yum) and then possessing this chick and whatnot so it was really freaky, because I felt like something invisible was pulling my arm back. Once it was to my hip, and the second time I felt like my hand was being pulled to my crotch...I dunno. It was insanely strange.Awwww yeah. Me in bed. Just...less glamorous.
So I was going to post this yesterday. Today I took another nap because I'm a lazy ass and I was getting tired of watching stupidly hilarious Madtv skits. I dreamt about silverfish. Y'know, those weird disgusting little mini scorpion bugs with little antennae that you find in old dusty shelves? Shudder.....They were everywhere. I'm pretty sure I woke up screaming. Those little creatures drive me insane and every time I see them I want to stab myself with carrots. This isn't very inneresting but I think I have mind problems. Wait. Don't respond to that statement.

Musical life partners...who's yours? I guess mine would be a combination of Lizzi and Courtney Sailors and maybe a little bit of Ceciley. Courtney Sailors is courtneypants on youtube and she is a unicorn loving dicktastic person. I can mostly relate with Lizzi because we listen to everything....we don't really have limits of what we listen to.......I listen to weird post-art-whatever rock, 90's grunge, musical selections, and K pop. And a little bit of jpop. And Brit Brit Spears as my guilty pleasure. But that's not the end of all the genres I listen to. The only thing I can't really stand is country. Kill me please. And I like Courtney's art rock and weird indie hipster music that I sort of have and appreciate and her strange electronic incorporated into alternative stuff. And as for Ceciley.....she also listens to a lot of genres....It's like taking Lizzi (minus the really bubblegummy pop and mashing it up with my music taste......minusing my share of the cheesy pop as well.) And mixing some Icelandic foreign stuff in it.
So since I really haven't discovered any amazing bands and 4shared is a stupid piece of crap (just kidding. I love 4shared.......most of the time.) I have been watching Ceciley's mixtape videos on youtube.......she separates them into categories, like road trip music, love makin' jams (just kidding.....well, sort of), and beachy music and whatnot. Lots of musical inspiration......and new songs on my ipod. Courtney has a show too and a lot of the songs that she does are the ones I listen to or have listened to....but thank you for introducing MAP OF TASMANIA, the best song ever about merkins and censorship laws. Thank you.

Here's some songs that I've discovered...Since I'm too unattractive to make videos on youtube, I shall recommend 5 songs that I've found through these lovely women/ or have found by myself. But mostly them.....like I said, my brain is rather obese. And not in a good way. I'm pretty sure it's coated in cellulite and can't think and is thinking about medium rare steaks dipped in mayonnaise...Yeah!
1. Hawaiian Air-Friendly Fires (A song about being in airplanes. The music video is awesome......sitting between making out couples, a kid pulling on your hair, sitting next to a morbidly obese dude eating salad..)
2. Helena Beat-Foster the People (A song....with a guy singing in a high pitched voice? And the music video resembles a toddler apocalypse.)
3. Que Veux Tu-Madeon Remix - Yelle (The remix is better...to me. And the song makes you want to go through an LSD adventure through a daisy field and dance inappropriately. Think of me humping Tom Daley on the TV screen. Oh yes.)
4. Goodbye Happiness-Utada Hikaru (Heard this on MTV China. Probably the first Jpop I've liked. I'm not surprised.....Utada Hikaru is the acclaimed queen of Jpop. And it's not stupidy catchy kpop...)
5. Tears Dry On Their Own-Amy Winehouse (Everyone is going crazy 'cause of her death, I know. It's just like the Michael Jackson death. I swear, every year there's going to be an insanely talented musician dying young. Ever since her death, her album has been skyrocketing....I've had this song for a long time. It's rather good, and I can easily say that I like her more than Adele. I love Adele.....but most of the songs on 21 sound the same........ I remember the chorus that makes one song differ from the other but I can't remember anything else. Something about Amy's contralto voice and her songs just stand out more. Plus her erratic behaviour added a lot to that factor XD)


Well, this wasn't a particular funny or interesting blog post but this is what everyone (my 1 and 1/3 viewers) get.......because my brain is fat and can't think of witty jokes. Well....I have a poop joke.....more like a poop connection story. So here it goes!

Wet Poop

The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels un-wiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a stain.

Don't you get this feeling all the time?

Yes, I got this from an app called POOP JOKES! Real original.

It's OVER!

The Opera.

OH YEAH. Greer Grimsley has the best evil laugh ever.
Ailyn Perez and Stephen Costello....as Romeo and Juliet. What a steamy young couple.


I may have informed you all that I attended the Opera about....2 weeks ago and tonight. I thought it would kind of suck.......the hall smelling of old ladies and faux fur, butt aches, and boring actors and such.. That facade was not true. The worst thing really was all the annoying coughing and hacking going on. I wanted to ask the elderly gentleman next to me "Are you laying eggs, sir?", but that would not have been the inapropropropropro. Today I watched the opera Faust. Since I REALLY don't want to give a longass synopsis, I shall tell a modern version of it!!
Old ugly smart guy wants to get laid. But he can't get laid. He's old. And ugly. He makes a pact with the devil (GASP) and sells his soul to him to get one wish. He wishes to be hot and young and Brad Pitt-esque. A few days later in the........epicenter of the....uh..city? There is a beerfest of drunken soldiers going to war. Iraq, that is. Just kidding. It didn't take place in Iraq. But I'M MAKING IT MODERN. One of the soldiers has this long spiel about protecting his little sister and it gave me the thought that he wanted to sleep with her and was super territorial. But.....he wasn't. Well, for now. He makes this pre pubescent Justin Biebery youth protect her and he is smitten with her sekahseeness. And I can see why....boobies, of course! Then the dude and devil walk in and the guy is like "Heyyyyyy there tuts! Would you like to 'take my arm?'' He is....rejected. Then there was the intermission! My butt was perfectly fine! I did not get up.
The intermission is done. Yay! Scene 2: There's a garden and the sexy lady's front porch. The JBiebery youth prances around and picks a nubby bouquet of flowers from her OWN damn garden to give to her. Wow. Then he squeals with delight and runs off into the horizon and is like " I MUST PROCLAIM ME LOVE TO HERRR!" then Faust.....we'll call him Fabio.....to make him seem more hunky and "modern" comes in with the devil and sings for 20 minutes about her sexiness. He, being a love-starved sexless greenhorn picks flowers from her OWN garden as well. What the hayull. Then shazaaam! The devil pops out of the well and gives Fabio a box of jewels to leave at her doorstep. She finds them the next day and dies of happiness because well, duh! All girls like shiny things! Fabio seduces her some more. The Devil, in his charming Antonio Banderas form has sex in a bush with some husbandless MILF that is the girl's neighbor. Fabio and his lady lover duet and make out multiple times. Hoho. Then they finally stop sucking face, and Fabio lets his lady lover go to sleep. Then, she sings some more on her balcony and how her vagina is tingling with delight. Just kidding! Then she goes outside in a sheer nightgown (oh bababababy) and Fabio is STILL there, being a lurker. Fabio runs into her house and they probably had wild sex, though they cut it out. But we can most definitely assume that, hohohohoho.
Second intermission! We move down from the awesome balcony to the first floor. Worst idea ever, Dad.
A year later after raucous love making and tired private parts, Fabio suddenly disappears and leaves his lady love, Marguerite. Why? The devil likes to mess around with people and make them seem like niggabitch playboys. Oh, and I will call her Marge. Why? I don't know. She is PREGGO! This is like Juno, sort of, but with more wraths and whatnot. She is weaving at a loom and people snicker at her preggoness. She sig and pines for Fabio, but honey, he ain't coming back. Until laaaater. JBiebs makes another appearance to seduce Marge but she rejects him some more. After that, the soldiers come home! Marge's brother is like "WHAT THE HAYULLL GIRL WHY YOU PREGGERS?" and reveals her stomach to the world. Then Fabio comes along with the devil and Fabio and her brother sword fight. Marge's brother loses. Who knew a dying man could sing so amazingly. He tells Marge basically that..she sucks, is a ho, it's her fault for his death, and that she's soooo damned. Like, totally. Then they change scenes to a church. Marge prays for Fabio and her baby but then the red backlight goes on and Antonio Banderas....I mean, the devil says that she's damned, blah blah blah. He appears in random places and tells her that multiple times. She wails/orgasms.
LAST SCENE: Marge is in jail. Why? She killed her baby. I'm not surprised. The devil, attempting to be nice ish tries to get Fabio to sneak her out. She orgasms at his face and they make out multiple times. Then, Fabio and Marge get into a disagreement. Fabio wants to leave. Marge wants to "stay awhile"......probably to have noisy sex. Then, Fabio's hand spontaneously starts bleeding and Marge is like "EWWWWWWWWW". Then, Anto-I mean the Devil spits fire and drags Fabio to hell. He tries to fight back, but hey, when you've sold your soul to the devil.....you've sold it, biatch! Heavenly light shines on these huge stairs in front of Marge and voices going REBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRTHHHHHHHHH sing and she walks slowly onto the stairs into this vortex of light.
THE END.
I guess that really wasn't that short......but wasn't that riveting?
I made it sound really stupid.....but it was pretty awesome.
I'm sorry for butchering your Opera, San Diego.

PS: I figured out Faust and Marguerite were actually MARRIED in real life. I swear, all of the plays that feature one of them, the other has to be the love interest in the play. Actually, that's kind of cute. I think all that making out in the opera is going to lead to many, many babies due to sex in the bathroom at the after show reception. Well, many, many babies with great singing chops.

I'm going to bed.