RAAAAAAGH

Easter..a day where white people decorate eggs, go to church, explode peeps and stuff. Unfortunately, growing up in an atheist-ish Chinese family, I only got to sort of experience it until I was about 8. I remember when I lived near Adobe Bluffs my neighbor was this SAINTLY white lady and she used to shower me with gifts...that was when I experienced my first easter!! I just remember I had a sugar rush. Now I do nothing really. Well this was really pointless. Ummm......what else should I talk about.Ahee..touchin the ickle lad with his "carrot"

Oh yes! Toilet stories. I would like to say that.....
1) Whenever I take a dump or pee, I have to recite the ABC's. Sometimes in my head. Sometimes out loud. Most likely when I'm constipated. I hope that doesn't creep the crap out of y'all......Haha, crap creeping out of your butt. Haha. Hehe. Hoho.
2) Who hasn't stuck their hand into the toilet?! Don't lie. I mean, not when there's lumps of shit floating around but who didn't play with toilet water when they were 1-5......sort of sad...but true.
3) I HAVE fallen into the toilet. I sort of looked like this kid. I can't now, because my butt is too big.
4) Have you ever opened the top part of the toilet and played with that floaty/douche/black whatever floaty ball? That was redundant, and I'm pretty sure I just made it sound like some sort of sex toy. It's not. I hope.
5) I have flushed many things down the toilet.....beef stew, a smiley face keychain....you name it. Except my pet fish and such......they needed a proper burial.

The only problem I have with a toilet is that ever since I got my sex change, I'm really used to sitting down.....and as a brawny male, I find it hard to go peepee sitting down, my penis gets super squished. I haven't really developed my aiming skills, so errytime I go I miss and have to clean the floor OR I end up peeing on the ceiling. See, it's better sitting down and taking the risk of getting a spontaneous boner and getting squished nuts instead of cleaning my own urine! Buggady buggady buggady!


Whelp, I'm gonna go to an Asian easter uh......brunch. We're prolly going to eat dumplings and all that jazz. Time to put on some pants over my polka dot boy shorts (preferably my weekend mom jean/trousers) put on the hobo jacket I used to wear in middle school, and get cracking. Well that sounded oddly sexual.