Hand Sanitizer Part Dos and Why I'm NEVER Getting a Mammogram.

Something that all men/horny teenage boys wish they had. But.....it won't work. Unless you're a d-list whore. THAT'S ME! Just kidding.
If I don't teach Chinese or pursue other careers and become duh doctah, I'm really gonna invent this and make it mandatory for men so they can SUFFER.

So I forgot to mention the feelings that these 2 tiny bottles I've used this year have expressed! Oh yes. The first scent I used was called Island Nectar. How exotic. It was VERY exotic. In fact, it sort of did express new things, new EXOTIC things. In that case exotic doesn't really fit but it slightly ties in. I don't know. The smell was super cheerful and nice and also really EXOTIC like mentioned before so it kind of symbolized being new and freshmany and getting to know people that I slightly didn't want to get to know in the beginning but it was actually amazing getting to know them. Damn that was a long sentence.And it also represents getting to know and growing closer to Nic, even though I pretty much barely knew he existed before...August, even though I remember him trying on something spandexy a while back. How EXOTIC. I'm....going to stop saying exotic. It also represented getting used to change and also moving on. Aka dumping the deuce, if it makes anything clearer. Dumping the deuce sounds like a term to express someone making a bowel movement. Aheehur. The next scent wasn't very prominent. Everyone wears it so it just reminded me of nothing really. It's that Japanese Cherry Blossom crap that makes you smell like a hooker. I just remembered me dumping gobs of it onto my hands just to get rid of it so I could buy more pleasant smelling ones. But....it's still here and in my closet somewhere so I'm just going to forget about it and use the one that smells like a cinnamon bun. Yum.
So the next part is about MAMMOGRAMS. Mammograms are rather scary. I would hate getting checked out by a gynecologist and getting a mammogram. I also hope there aren't any male gynecologists out there because that's just wrong. Unless they were gay, than that'd be alright. I'd be pretty sad having a straight male look up my cooter. But mammograms.....oh my god. Putting your boobs between two metal slabs and applying.....pressure. Shudder. What if your boobs explode!? My mom told me about mammograms and I grabbed my tits in fear. Also, what does the fricking doctor do if you end up with weird looking boobs.....like they jut out and look smushed? Stupid mammogram..ists. This is why I am going to keep my tits nice and healthy with......lots of sunlight, water, and fertilizer. Nah, I'm actually not sure how you keep your boobs healthy. Maybe you exercise them like those creepy weightlifting butch women so you can move your boobs in different directions. What a turn on. I'm also going to keep my cooter healthy with a lot of awkward exercise. Like.....interpretive dancing and.....the BEND and SNAP. Oh baby.
So I'm guess I'm done with my worrying with mammograms. Hopefully my boobs will not get old and saggy without them.
And....NATALIE TRAN finally posted up a video, even though it may only last 42 seconds long. How am I supposed to love her again when she LEFT ME. What an unhealthy relationship.

Nostalgia......in a probably 1 fluid oz container.

Do you have music that clearly reminds you of exact places you've been while listening to it and when were there? Well, I guess it's sort of a stupid question to ask because I'm pretty sure everyone does that. For example, the little portion of the irritating mainstream dates back to when I was musically stupid. Well, I guess I wasn't...I was brought up with classical, folk, classic rock, etc. So I guess all the new stuff sort of fascinated me. Then there was my emo angsty rock period in the beginning of seventh grade where I swore to never listen to pop again. At the end of seventh, I was opening up to the stuff Lizzi gave me and just listening to her songs remind me so clearly of our San Francisco trip. The rest of my stuff reminds me of pretty small moments in time. The first Lady Gaga song I listened to brings me back of memories of sitting in the subway in Hong Kong. If I play songs during my guilty pleasure pop/artistic (aka a nice word for plainly weird) rock phase, I think about me hiding my double identity that I didn't want to do. This also happens to me through the types of hand sanitizer I use >.< Don't ask..A lot of memories are made by a teeny little plastic bottle from Bath and Body Works. What's weird is that it doesn't work through lotion....or body spray....just hand sanitizer. I remember using something that smelled like peaches and mint, and the smell reminds me when I was bored with school and this was sort of a pick me up. No, I didn't huff hand sanitizer. Another one that I used was this really strong candied apple scented stuff. It reminded me of gross Shahilish times. This is definitely a smell that my nostrils do not want to revisit. Slutty, girly, rotten, tainted, candy coated lies, hurt, poison....Strong words (sorta?) for a smell in a bottle that costed 1.50. Yesterday I paid a trip to the good ol' store and picked up some more because who knows how many STD's you can pick up around school with your hands and bought 5 more bottles. Who knows which parts and what kinds of my life are going to be represented in each tiny little bottle. Well, 2 bottles already smell like my past (they both date back to kindergarten when I made my first friend and we were playing with little girl perfume). But maybe more important things will take its place. Hopefully good things, because the funniest feeling is felt (whoa alliteration) when you smell it again in the future, and it's even stranger when it represents something good. It is an unholy mixture of happiness, wistfulness, and even a hint of sadness. Even the smallest things bring back a ton of memories. At first I don't notice, but then I actually think about it and BAM. Blast from the past. I could think about...say, a bag of ramen noodles or look at some of my mom's jewelry and feel like reminiscing. It's bizarrely powerful. I guess this is me sort of looking backwards and getting a feel of the future, even though who knows what it's going to bring me. All of this talk from music and hand cleaning fluids.
I'm a real deep person, aren't I? ;P

And for the top picture.....No one better wear that fucking scent around me or else I may cheerfully rip their bladder out. And you need that, by the way.

My Butt Fetish...and other Touching Delights

I'm 80 percent sure I have a butt fetish. I must say that I admire butts quite a bit. Well, except people who get tushie injections. That's just...no. I'm sorry if I "accidentally" graze anyone's butts. But not in Nic's case, I grab it on purpose. Mmmm. I'd tap that.....with a jackhammer....just kidding. Anyways..Here's a random and TOUCHING..(I hope) post. So I'll get the TOUCHING part done (literally and figuratively).

I simply CANNOT believe that this year has gone by oh so fast. I can clearly remember the first day of school and I can pretty much remember every single little detail about all the tournaments. There were downhill times this year that weren't too fantastic but overall, this is one of the best and most interesting years I've had by far. At first I thought this year would kind of suck since I didn't have Lizzi but we're still in touch and are life partners and I grew close with other people. I had some help from one sympathetic soul (hoho) and got hewhomustnotbenamed aka Hahilsay off my back. That sympathetic soul finally became my magnificent boyfriend and has stuck with me through shittastic and jizzworthy times. It kind of breaks my heart to say that this is the end of the year. Some of the people who I am used to seeing and having contact with won't be here and there's a huge chance I may never see them again. Well, this is the cycle and there's nothing we can do about it (except ....fail a few classes just for me ;P) SIGHH I can't berieve that this is going to happen every year. I just want to warn all the seniors that are graduating that I'm going to stain their gowns with my tears until the dye fades out and the gown turns into a blucky grey color. Just sayin'. Or I'll cry at the WRONG time (UGH I always do that!) I usually save the tears and emotional outburst for a rainy day (aka a few hours after that emotional event has occured) such as Senior night for marching band...I cried my face off as soon as I got home. Sigh. Twitch. I'm such a loser. Oh and also Arcadia, where I cried when I got home. That...was...depressing. Ohh my GOD this picture is so sad and cute. I looked like that when I used to cry, now I just look like a sniffling whale. Attractive.

So yesterday was the kickoff night. Holy jizz we have a lot of people. I remember saying I hated most of the kids one year younger than me....I wonder if the people in band last year said that too? Maybe I'm going to be hanging out with a lot of freshmen this year. Who knows! I hope these incoming freshmen are as cool (coughhackgag) as we were. I'm not sure if we all fit in the 'cool' category. More like grimy little nubs. Especially Lucas. Rusty is such a beast. I think I will become his super saiyan master and our section will be awesome. This also calls for huge low reed parties since we have.....345973469823459845 tenors. But........whinegroanhuffpuff we won't have 2 of the sekasee faces we're used to seeing. I also personally think we suck but hey it's the first time we've played the stuff, so hopefully we'll get better. I wonder if that's what the people thought last year as well. Mmmm lookit that clarinet.

I guess my resolution to solve my depression that erryone's leaving my face is to go into crazy pedo lurker mode, aka barrages of emails, cheesy ecards that involve dancing strudel, and 4 hour phone calls. Oh and I'll also use up the extra mileage we have and fly to an assortment of dorms all over Amurrica and bring y'all puffy stickers, apple beer, and cashews. Oh and I'm probably going to install little cameras and microchips on everyone so I can shock them when they visit naughty places like strip clubs and adult stores to buy anal beads and fluffy dildos. But then again, who needs that when you have a sax cleaner? Seriously. People better visit, though I doubt that's a promise no one keeps, 'cause I promised Mr. P and whatnot that I'd visit Mesa Verde, but I haven't gone there since......November. Sad. But then again it's different because high school band is infinity times 92 times better than middle school band. Middle school band was filled with loud and suckish people and annoying cheerleaders that joined it cause they thought it was an easy class. Or so they say.

Okay, well I didn't really touch up (oh baby) on the random part but I'm sure I'll get to that sometimes soon......In bed.

Erastic Fantastic

So since erryone has randomly had the love of kpop implanted into their souls currently, I would like to do a little rant n' rave (oh yes, what a cheesecakey name) about k pop in general. K pop....is bad. Really, really, terrible. But for some reason, the catchy one syllable choruses and bad Engrish is captivating and fuses some kind of thing in the mind which forces the brain to love it. COUGH me. And for the people who legitimately think it's actually good.......kind of have problems. But I think that's only 2% of us all.
Kpop is really fun and awesome and irritating and makes more sense than J pop, but what irks me about it is all the plastic surgery and segregation and lack of talent.
'Cause honestly, if our darling Rebeckerz Black was signed into K pop, everyone would magically love her. And the plastic surgery....it frustrates me how people wish they looked like some particular idol in the industry and how they want to obtain their sexiness, handsomeness, etc. when they themselves most likely looked better than the idol before the idol got plastic surgery. I mean, if I got plastic surgery, I'd be INSANELY hot. And I'm not even hot at all. 75% of all them kpop stars were kind of butterfaces back in the day. No offense. Since not too many of k pop artists can sing in real life, it kind of promotes that a) if you're hot and can dance decently, you can make big bucks! or b) sign this long ass contract and sell your soul to us after we make you a star we'll take care of your shitty singing and ugliness!
And segregation....I don't even know. I guess having a group of sexy ladies or fruity but hot men add more to the fanbase and make the entertainment company richer.
K pop is good cause bands (girl ones in general) can pull off slutty looks and don't look slutty at all. I don't even know if that counts as a good thing. But the keep the mens making white wee. They also have some kind of thing behind their music that white people simply can't do. And since it's in a different language, people don't know what it means so even if the song is about humping ladies and getting wasted, people think it's bowl cuttedly cute and innocent.

So I guess this is my take on K pop. It's good........just not all the time. Cause then you'll be completely brainwashed, and it might be worse than listening to mainstream stuff in America. Hopefully I don't sound like a hypocrite cause erryday I'm like OH YES I'MMA PELVIC THRUST TO KPOP but hey, I haven't discovered any oldies music and I'm really bored and need to pelvic thrust my worries away. Un tsss un tss un tss. I think this little R&R ( oh yeah I called it that) has made my love of Kpop grow. Time to review more k pop. And listen to it.
...someone please introduce me to better white person music. Please. Before I have a kpop jizz attack.
Okay bye. Have y'all noticed my posts have gotten lamer with time? I know :(

Thinking Ahead, That's What Asian Parents Are For

It's been a while. I know. Unlike a web star or super blog personality, I'm not going to say "Errone's been nagging me to post, and I said, may-bayy, may-bay not, that's the funnnnn!" BUT....My parents HAVE been nagging me about college, BUT a pro in that is that I've been searching up good colleges that I'd consider going to in 3 years. If this year passed by super quickly, the 3 left will too. And I better hold on tight....to my penor, that is. It might get lost in time. Or make nice with a black hole when it gets lost in time. But, here are the choices I have conjured up or have considered for a while.

1. UCSD (Close to home.....though that may not be the BEST idea..haha)
2. UCLA (The school erryone wants to go to. I love the area it's in but damn. LA is a huge ghetto.)
3. UCSF (San Francisco is such a bitchin' city. From the 4 times I've been there....it's amazing. UCSF also is a medical school which is something my parents encourage and I also am kind of interested in health science. And if I want to pursue my music, I can do that for fun. It won't be hard getting my hands (oh babababy) on great music. )
4. UWash. (Is in Seattle. Another awesome city. UWash has a really pretty campus and has such a wide variety of classes to take. Plus it's close to Canada, aka HEAVEN. Except not really. But pretty close.)
5. UCIrvine. (Close to home, full of Asians...though Irvine is sort of a boring place.)
6. UVic....(Mmm in Canada. In Victoria. FILLED WITH BUNNIES. )
My mom says I may not go to "out of the country" schools unless I get a scholarship.

I also have no idea what I'm going to do when I grow up. Oh well. I think.
But I realllllly want to go to UCSF.
Like I said......it's been a while.

Something more.....Melancholy.

My face at the mo.

Usually my posts are about random shit. This one is about shit, but it's not random and fun filled. Don't even bother to read it, but I'm just letting out steam. A lot of steam. Maybe you do want to read it to understand all of these random pictures. Yes, I'm keeping this rant in my regular random ass picture format. Well, here goes everything. My parents have been pressuring me about college since....seventh grade. It's gotten worse, and I'm only in 9th grade. Everything I do REVOLVES around college. Piano....for college....all my AP classes and crap...college. Duh. And now, band is revolving around college. My mom says I can stay in band for all 4 years...well, three years sort of for now......if I play on clarinet. And the B thing won't be applied anymore. I personally hate clarinet with a passion, no offense. Band is something I do for fun. It's like a sport, though it's not very physically challenging..well, sometimes it is during marching season, heh. If I switch to clarinet, I'm kind of just going to dread band. I don't know if this argument is valid but let's say two people had the same amount of community service, grades including AP classes, and one of them played clarinet (but could play bass clarinet......duh, all clarinetists can..) and one could play clarinet but mainly focused on bass clarinet. I don't know......in my opinion I would pick the more unique person...someone who can play clarinet pretty well but really has a passion for bass. When I told my mom that, she snickered irritatingly and was like YOU'RE WROOOOOOOOONGGGGGGGGGG! Then she mocked my passion quote many times and now I feel like backhanding a baby. I love playing bass clarinet. It's not the same as a clarinet player who conveniently knows how to play bass clarinet. I'm pretty sure Mr. Hollyday told me that before. It's unique. I wish I could actually do what I really wanted, though that's completely bull shit. I can't do everything that I want. Well of fucking course! I don't want to go to school, and I have to do that ;P Ugh. If I switched to clarinet, I doubt Webb would let me go back to clarinet...and how would I even switch off? I think I could compromise playing bass for marching season and switching every now and then for concert band but of course Webb wouldn't let me do that. It's all or nothing. I also don't understand why my parents won't just let me practice clarinet regularly at home. Colleges won't care, they'll know that you're adept at clarinet-ing and bass clarinet-ing, and I guess they'd find it cool that you really like bass clarinet more than clarinet? I'd do that if I was a hip rad college admission person.
That's the end of my rant, I guess.
Today we had an asian fest. I entertained a 5 year old with barbies and everything I put on the barbie the kid was like "it tis not boohtefull" and I got so irritated I wanted to yell "YOU'RE NOT BOOTEFUHL!!" but she was really cute. I also fell asleep multiple times and ate way too many strawberries. That party was 6 fuckin' hours!!!!! I ate pretty well, though. Snowy humped the legs of all the foxy Asian professors and they thought it was hilarious and cute and took many pictures. All I could do was stand in the corner and snicker. Then I played on our Wii, which I haven't played in in a while. I made myself short, fat, and yellow and gave myself a mole in the middle of my forehead and gave myself a pedo smile. I renamed myself Pedonat. After that I read more of animal farm on my mom's bed and promptly fell asleep. That's all.
Now I'm groggy, irritated, and sort of hungry (I haven't eaten since 2 PM)
Please send me an entertaining viral video so I can look like this.

How to Make Love While Conscious

Despite my misleading title, I would like to do a little rant about women. Ah, how the opposite gender confuses me. Just kidding. I'm pretty sure I'm a girl. I hope. Well, here goes everything.
1. Girls DO fart and poop. Men, I'm sure you have been convinced by the stupid myth that girls do not fart...or POOP. No matter how dainty, sexy, or slutty we are, we do fart. Though we hide it more slyly than the males do, yes, we do not fart in people's faces, we still have had terrible acts of flatulence. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED on pooping! Like Taro Gomi has stated in this lovely picture book that I have NEVER gotten for my birthday, though I have requested it on my wishlist about 23479 times, erryone makes duh poopoo. All girls have had diarrhea or constipation. Well, everyone except me...I have no anus. Ahee!
2. Girls are not ALWAYS won over by flowers and all that crap. I mean seriously, if the two people love each other, who would really give a damn about flowers/chocolates/vibrators (ohh yeaah). The thing about couples in the modern days is that even if two people are together (not pre relationship stage), they shallowly expect expensive(at times), mushy (ohh yes) crap delivered to them to make them happy. I guess it's really not love or anything because if they really did love each other, they wouldn't even care about material stuff and would be ecstatic just breathing the same air as the other person. You don't need to be fancy. You sort of just need to be yourself, instead of some poser casanova swoon tastic chunky hunky dreamsicle. Don't take out your money. It's insulting. This is really the main thing I wanted to talk about. It's been bugging me for a while. But I'll continue.
3. Women do not make love with their _____. Most cases of the blank space are usually prized posessions, like goulash, shoes, wonder bras, blah blah blah. They treat them like you do with your porno collection and fetish magazines.
4. Women are kinder, gentler, quieter, and more romantic than men. ERR ERR ERR ERR ERR. One of these counterexamples is me! I am definitely not as kind, gentle, or quiet than the average male. On the other hand, I'm quite romantic. No one can resist my charms as I lure them in with my banana/cucumber eating and masticating of assorted nuts. Aww yeah. I just had an erection the size of a blimp. There are many women that are brutal and love kicking the testicles of men. One example of these women is Ellen. Don't worry, I'm not insulting her. She takes this as a compliment.
5. Women have hearts. FUCK NO! Look at this nifty little diagram that represents a woman's heart. Well, at least this is what my heart looks like. Black, dark, never ending....

Though all of my answers are quite brief except 2 (Yeah that was kind of the main point of my post anyways :P) I would like to thank you for viewing this lovely FAQ with Dr. Natarhee, the voluptuous, less bald counterpart of Dr. Phil.
The end.