DONEEEEEEE

This blogggggggggggggggggggggggg has been moved. TO TUMBLR. I know. Sorry.

www.adee-natalie.tumblr.com

America's Next Top Rapist.

I don't enjoy dreams. Especially the ones where you're being judged for a fashionable piano test and ones where you're about to be morrrested by an old creepy Asian man. The rest of this blog is most likely going to be endless rambling about my strange dreams. And all of the foreign movies I've watched, of course.

MY RAPIST DREAM. Oh my tits this was so creepy. I woke up and broke a sweat. I don't remember all of the hairy details however I remember ALMOST being raped. Not raped, which is pretty good. Anyways..My parents were hosting a huge potluck at our house. It was pretty huge, considering all of our neighbors, family friends, stray exchange students, professors studying abroad, and relatives were invited. You might be thinking "HOW CAN YOU GET RAPED WHEN THERE ARE ABOUT 59 PEOPLE IN YOUR HOUSE?!" Easy. There was this guy at our house named Professor Yi and he would always be looking over my shoulder, asking what I was doing, following me everywhere, etc. I'm used to this because I've had tons of Chinese people doing this stuff to me when they're over. My parents finally introduced me to the guy and he was some sort of biologist/artist. Then during the party my parents introduced me to this creep. Since it was crowded, he took me outside. I wasn't worried about rape since we were so close to the house. Suddenly he points to this weird cage, with a ton of foxes, squirrels, and "wildlife" I never see. He said some interesting stuff about them....as we were walking back to the house he took his hand and forced it down my shirt. Of course, I don't scream because that would make things worse and I sprinted back into the house. Surprisingly, he doesn't chase me. I think he left after that attempt. When I get into the house, everyone is very confused...about where I've been and what I've been doing. I told everyone the Professor guy tried to rape me but everyone was like "Nawwwwwwwwwwwwww." But then they were convinced when he had apparently left the party and I looked like something had scarred me for life. That was not a fun dream to have before CM.

The next one was about CM. Imagine America's Next Top Model....but..for pianos. It didn't make sense. But when do dreams do that? I vaguely remember Lizzi and I standing at the foot of this glitzy hotel with a bunch of competitors...one was a gay black guy with red hair. We met our judge, some kind of a white Tyra Banks except the thing was that I don't know how she promoted piano. I remember watching some kind of perfume commercial she was in that was somehow recreated like Inception...Then I remember being shoved into a pink and lacy practice room with Lizzi as I practiced my butt off.

Then I woke up.

Dreams of Glozell, Marching band, and ROASTED CAULIFLOWER.

I had another dream. Yesterday I was watching a Glozell video where she went to Disneyland and saw Tiana, the black princess. She was crying because the last time she went to Disney there weren't even black people in the parade. It made me want to hug her even more then when I saw The Help. Anyways, my dream strangely revolved around that. We were some place near Disneyland but near a desert and there was a small group of marching bands there...I feel like RB was there too but that group was pretty small, so.. It was a congregation of a bunch of people just sitting around on the dirt floor and on random bleachers practicing and Westview was just running around trying to find uniforms and the shako box shelves. Then everyone couldn't find anything because the truck was parked half a mile away and like usual, everything was super disorganized. Oh and we never even performed. After that Gungun kept on asking Marco if his mom was a "coupon queen" and he was like, "Eeyup! Only on Tuesdays though!" Gungun had some weird project that involved couponing. Fun. After that we ended up in this Sprouts place near the desert lot and all I remember was getting really cheap pies and lettuce. Cassie's mom was there and I think Marco's mom was there and they were like "YEAH LETTUCE AND CHEAP PIES". After that grocery shopping montage I don't remember anything else. Part 2 of my dream randomly involved going to some Asian girl's house in China and she had a shitload of Disney stuff in her room...all I remember was her saying "Ugh these were so expensive." I remember telling her about Glozell crying because they had a black princess.

That is all.

Also I'm making roasted cauliflower!!!!!!!!!

Dreamuuuuuuuuuuu

I've gone through that 1 dream per night phase and I would like to write them all down but I only really remember 2...

The first one was about this RV my family rented. It was cool, beat up, and inside it had a bar, groovay disco lights, beads, and it came with an Indian lady bartender? She made me mango smoothies. Yup. I don't know. So one day I woke up and was ready for school and got into the RV..when I got to Ellen's house to be dropped off, apparently no one was driving it..so I was confused and told Ellen's mom to help. She knocked on the RV door and our maid opened it and Ellen's mom turned to me and whispered in Chinese "Indian food smells stinky!". Then she ranted in her Asian accent of what she wanted the maid to do which was drive the RV back home. Finally as we waited in the car for Ellen, the lights on the RV slowly came on and it drove away. Weird, but it was pretty funny.

Then I had another dream a couple of weeks later about marching band. We had some competition in Germany..or some place that looked like Solvang and we stayed at this old, wood carving-esque hostel that was run by druggies, alcoholics, and prostitutes. We were getting ready for a competition and one of the men who ran it was like "Uh huh uh durr durr grab some absinthe and have fun!" And we sort of didn't drink the absinthe. After that everyone was getting ready on some sort of a sidewalk and people were confused about which uniform we had to wear. Apparently Vista asked our whole band to join their band so we could be a 6A. But, we were wearing uniforms that resembled MC's. Everyone was standing around very confused-like. Then somehow everyone disappeared and I had to wait for Justin to pick me up on a street corner for the competition. His van showed up, and he was wearing his Cal Poly SLO uniform but all he did was yell "Follow me!" and drove away. Naturally, I ran across the street, following him but I almost got hit by a bus. All I remember after that was talking to German people and trying to read German signs.

I need to stop staying up late >.<

Movie revoooos: AMELIE POULAIN. Oh, and Chocolat.

Over the break I watched a movie that had been hyped up a decade ago when I was about 5 or 6. I remembered watching it and all I remembered was a pale girl on a carnival ride getting groped by skeletons >.< So, I knew I had to watch it. Anyways, Amelie is my new favorite movie. It's so innocent but it's also sexual, and it's so sweet. It's pretty bunch a contradiction...it's a super surreal reality and it's not a cartoon but there are animations... I'm in love with foreign films now. A brief summary is that Amelie Poulain, a girl who in her childho

od was a pretty lonely kid (her mom was killed by a lady jumping off a building and after that all her dad did was make shrines with little gnomes and became sort of a borin
g old codger) which made her devise this little game in her head...she was always super curious, always knew what was right from wrong...She was just this cool little kid. When she grows up, she dedicates herself to being a good-doer, helping people in really creative ways. She fixes up everyone's lives and brightens them and goes through extreme measures, but somehow she can't fix her own. After running into a guy who does a bunch of odd jobs, Nino, there is some kind of SOULMATE label on his face after she finds out that he's a person just like her (he takes pictures of footprints in cement, takes pictures from

photobooths and repieces them). In the subway station, Nino drops his album and she finds it and devises a huge puzzle thing to give it back to him. The plan goes her way until there's a little misunderstanding and Amelie is disappointed at the very end....but then there's a happy ending. I don't want to give it away. Anyways, I liked the quirk of every character...and all of the subplots in the movie. It was complicated, but understandable and every character was well described and portrayed. I loved the way they shot it too..they would insert random clips of ORGASMS and sperm and all that is random but awesome. There was lots of color, lots of hidden details...Lots of symbolism, lots to think about, isn't

too predictable even if you read IMDB ;P That's what I always do. Amelie is a film I wouldn't mind watching 5 more times. Juno used to be one of my favorite movies, but the humor is very crude and just an average hipster/indie movie after you watch Les Fableux Destin D'Amelie Poulain. Also there are some awkward touchytouchy parts..such as the 15 orgasms scene, Amelie being humped by a guy scene, and the part where Amelie and Nino kiss each other and it's dead silent. And after that they wind up all funky. On a bed. Mmm.

Next, we have Chocolat, with Ohohoho Johnny Depp, Alfred Molina, and Juliette Binoche. When I used to think of Chocolat, I definitely remember Johnny Depp washing his hands in a chocolate fountain. Never mind. Anyways, Chocolat is a sappier, happy, and more predictable film. It's kind of a feel good film when you watch it but it was very meh after I watched Amelie. If you watch this, please watch it before Amelie. The things that disappointed me about this movie was that it was in a French setting, but no one spoke french. Some people had American accents, like Depp. Binoche and her daughter on screen both were french actresses but they spoke in English. It irritated me greatly which is why I almost didn't finish it. This is a story about a half French and south american mother and daughter traveling around Europe and settling down in a village in Normandy and they open up a "Mayan" chocolate shop. Unfortunately, they open it around Lent..ooh..and the mayor is like NOOOOPE DON'T GET CHOCOLATE DON'T CORRUPT MY VILLAGE. The lady (I forgot her name, this is how forgettable the movie is) is like "Nigga, I'm an atheist and I can do whatever I want. Now buy my chocolate". Basically after a montage of the lady selecting the "perfect" chocolate for the villagers, people go crazy over the confections and stuff. Other people refuse to go to the shop because it's lent and they don't want to break any rules. The mayor wants to see the shop go out of business, so he's like AHYUKAHYUK. There are 2 other subplots, one lady is abused by her husband and then starts to live at the shop and helps the mom and daughter around. The husband breaks in and is like ROARRR but they hit him with a frying pan. Classic.

PART 2

These water gypsy boat people stop at the village. Johnny Depp is one of them. The whole village is against them staying along the river but the LADY..THE LADY. The chocolate lady..welcomes them into her shop and shit and makes sexy to Johnny Depp. Then they have a partay and then she sleeps with him (Could've guessed that earlier) and then the village lights on fire for some reason and then there's this frantic scene. That's when I stopped watching.

Alright, this movie was not that bad but it seem so...scripted and unnatural. The little girl would always be like "Mother this " "Mother, that looks so very pretty!" and most girls don't talk like that. I'd rather have it in French so it'd sound nicer and I wouldn't understand a thing. But, if you're having a family movie night or some chick flick night this is pretty good. Actually I don't suggest family movie night because there's an awkward humping scene when THE CHOCOLATE LADY tells the story of how her French dad and South American mom met...and they have this 3 minute sex humpty dumpty scene as the narrator slowly tells the story. Sigh. Oh, and when THE LADY give a village woman a sack of chocolate for her husband to "heat stuff up"..they were probably filled with viagra. There's kind of a noisy implied sex scene.

THE END! More reviews to come. People don't read this. Why I do dis :(

MOVIES YAY YAY YAY!

SHIT. I left my computer on and the post I was starting on got deleted :( So so so movies I've recently watched are Lost In Translation and 500 Days Of Summer. So here are some takes on the movies!
500 Days Of Summer was adorable but also gloriously blunt and bittersweet...the way I like my movies. Like in Life Is Beautiful when Guido died BUT Giosue and Dora survived. Yes. Yes. I loved, weirdly, analyzing it (humanities has gotten to my head) and I loved the last part where they contrasted his dreams with reality with the two panels. It made me realize how harsh reality can be..which sucks. I never really was into Zooey Deschanel however Joseph Gordon Levitt gave me a love explosion and convinced me somehow that she was in fact the most beautiful woman in the world. JGL is great. He can pull off anything. Including my bra. Just kidding. But anyways this is seriously a movie I would direct. From casting..to everything that happens. I loved movies with girls as the sort of antagonist and guys all hilariously moody. It's a nice contrast. I also loved their date in IKEA with the Chinese family watching them get all freakaay and the sequence when JGL looked in the mirror and his reflection was James Dean and he skipped and there was a marching band..yummy. The narrating was amazing too, and also I thought it was hilarious when they watched a shower porno and reenacted it and pretty much broke the shower. Gives me ideas. My loins are burning with lust. Hoho. That movie was pretty much me in a nutshell, however in my movie someone would've probably died from a pancreas seizure.
Next in line is the lovely and much anticipated Lost In Translation. Bill Murray has this weird, old mannish deadpan humor which I guess, makes him kind of awkward and likeable. I've always had a strange girlcrush on Scarlett Johansson..SHE HAS AN AMAZING NAME but anyways she has her moments...but a lot of the time she can act like maybe a prettier version of Kristen Stewart. Sometimes she even sounds like her. But of course she's very talented. I don't exactly know why this movie blew me away. Honestly, it wasn't too amazing. It was missing elements to a great movie and it was a little slow pace but the drama really built up I guess behind the scenes. I loved the extensive Japanglish and that really weird Japanese talk show with the super fruity guy that Bob (Bill Murray) went on and it showed all the cultural barriers and other things people have to get used to while being in a different country. Somehow, being Asian, I really expected it. This is a movie I'd watch with anyone.......besides the topless asian strip clup scene.....it was kind of creepy.....cough super pointy nipples.. That comment will probably encourage many people to watch it ;P Anyways, I understand why this won so many awards. It probably inspired the guailou.

I'm done! Hopefully no one was too bored.
I'm going to wath Little Miss Sunshine and the Runaways Movie next..hopefully the Runaways Movie won't entirely butcher my dreams. Ugh. It already pissed me off that KSTEW and Dakota Fanning were in it. Nope.

Holy Fuck It's Been A LONG TIME

Oh shit. I really haven't taken this blogging stuff seriously but oh well. No one really reads this anyways....I'm going to save this blog for when my kids grow up to be perverted (yeah if they came out of MY cooch there's no doubt for that to happen) and they may appreciate my writings or they'll be like MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWM WHY R U LYK SO EMBURRSING UGHH LYK WOWWW. Anyways.....it's MLK day. He is arguably the most perfect man. I should be out hugging black people but unfortunately I am drooling at delicious shoes made by the delicious Jeffrey Campbell. This shall be mentioned in the next post. Also I'm seeing BOBBY NEXT MONTH AT BALBOA PARK OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. I'm going to throw my bra at him. Probably not because he's like.....70 so maybe I'll just ask him to sign my bobby shirt that was once my pops. Also who would play you in a movie, what would the movie be called, who would be your love interest, and who would be your faithful sidekick? For me it would be Nicolas Cage in his "cough sexy" days as he bleaches his skin yellow, Morgan Freeman as my love interest, my sidekick(s)? would be Whoopi Goldberg OR Uncle Joey from full house, Lana Del Rey/Dita Von teese/Carrot Top would be my hooker, and the movie would be called "IMNOTEASY: A biopic" or "The trees are silent. They pretend not to notice. That I am pooping."
Anyways my cooch hurts and I'm going to stop now and blog about my obsession.

Kpoop Moosic Nooz.

I haven't posted about Kpop in a while so I'm at it right now. Plus I mention ONE Jpop song. Hurhur. Here are some of the songs I've aquired this summer!
U Go Girl-Lee Hyori. Lee Hyori is like....the Britney Spears of Korea. This song is so terribly bad but it's so catchy. The mispronounced words are hilarious. "GUR. GUR. HAY YOO GOH GUR." Plus the music video is encouraging girls to go under the knife to get hot guys. Besides this video Hyori has done other stuff that is way better..Sort of.
Mr. Simple-Super Junior. Super Junior's comeback! "Hay! I'm Mistehr Simpuur!" Another fail in the beginning. Most people are picking out the part when they're like "Because I naughty naughty." But that part doesn't bother me. The song is pretty good for a comeback besides the weird orgasmic out of breath rapping.
Freestyle-4minute. 4minute's English phrases have improved drastically. I mean, they aren't my favorite but I always wind up listening to them. I think they recorded this for some kind of video game. I like the beginning but then it slowly turns into the 30 second ballady part of their songs. 4minute is like a more ghetto (in a bad way) and fakishly sexy version of 2ne1. But they're still catchy.
Hard But Easy (LOLOLO)-Luna and Krystal from f(x) The title made me cry with laughter. I wanted a solo song from Luna cause she has impressive chops but this was pretty good. Obviously it was recorded for a K drama.
Now-Wonder Girls. This is a cover of a song that was originally recorded by Lee Hyori's old girl group. I like it, even though they don't have very strong vocals.
Ugly-2ne1. WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT. That's all. The MV is cool. The chorus is lame.
Hate You-2ne1 Good and repetitive and the music video blew my underpants off.HOLY SHIT BOM. She looks so creepy. Please don't get another nose and eyelid job again.
I Am the Best-2ne1. Like a tribal techno sacrifice.Minzy looks hot. I underestimated her before.
Nothing Lasts Forever-Girl's Day. I liked the whiny vocals! I thought Girl's Day was an underage band. They aren't. :SI'm trying to look for more.
Mirror, Mirror-4minute. "Four minute slut! Four minute slut." It's 4 minutes LEFT. Get it right, bitches. Overall this was a good song but was scrutinized for its giving birth esque dancing. Leave it to Hyuna to get all slutty.
Bubble Pop!-Hyuna from 4minute. Hyuna is probably my least favorite kpop singer ever. She has a weird nasally little boy voice and acts way too sexy for like.....a 16 year old? Something like that. If she's 18 I'll let it go but in Korea you can't get as skanky as her. Anyways, this song was pretty bad and hilarious with the butt shaking and NO bubble popping whatsoever and the dubstep incorporated in it. Check that out.Yum, boob flashing.
Love Song-Big Bang. I loved this! No terrible engrish pronunciations PLUS a classy MV and graceful chicken dancing! WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR.
I'll Be Back-2PM. This song was meh. When I heard it in the hotel in Qingdao I was like yum yum but now it's just whiny and like a poopstain.
Copy and Paste-BoA. BoA is considered the best dancer in the kpop music industry. She doesn't have a great voice but ya really can't have it all. This reminds me of ghetto safari adventures.
My Name-BoA. This one reminds me of Spain, techno, and cinnamon buns.
Goodbye Baby-miss A. Comeback!! I like this because they sounded a lot more mature. I also gained lots of respect for Fei and I now know how naturally pretty she is because before she didn't wear any makeup and I was like "meh." People try to compare 2ne1 and miss A like so:
Bom:Suzy
Jia: Dara
Min: Minzy
Fei:CL
But in my p0int of view:
Jia:Bom. Both of them are striking and have unique voices.
Suzy:Dara You can't help but like them. They may not be SUPER amazing singers and dancers but they're still definitely above average (definitely better than me.), plus they're just cute.
Min:CL Min talks the most as well as CL and they have the most charisma.
Fei: Minzy. They can both dance frigging amazingly and sing decently.
Goodbye Happiness-Utada Hikaru. The jpop song! After listening to this, I like jpop more than kpop. It's just that I have no exposure to jpop and no one really listens to it except the weaboos at school. And they listen to pokemon music.
Go Go Summer!-KARA. KARA is getting way more annoying. They started all gangsta and now it's all pink and foofy. The song was good for their phone ad though.
Hot Summer-f(x). I hated this at first. But then I got extremely turned on by Luna. Yum. I love her.
THE END. I think your brains probably combusted in a fit of lust thinking about Luna's thighs.
Or is that just me?

A Super Late Review Of Born This Way. PLUS I MADE PANCAKES THIS MORN.

Is it bad that I loved this cover?

I made super delicious pancakes today. I followed a recipe but they tasted a little more asian. I also used a little more oil than I should've but it tasted even better. If I break out in zits, oops. It was worth it though. I've been craving pancakes since........3 months ago. PANCAKU.
I'm going to review Born This Way like I planned to a while ago. I didn't because I didn't want to exercise my fingers. And my commentary would be like "This was pretty good/bad/potato."
Since it's pretty early today I shall start commentating! Hoho. Strangely I like Beyonce's 4 better than this. I know. Strange. Here I go.
1. Marry the Night-I was a bit bored with this. I also never really listened thoroughly, but it was just a hodgepodge of stuff that kind of bored me.
2. Born This Way-I thought it was going to be a slow song when she was sort of doing live teasers of it, but it turned out to be fast. I didn't love it in the beginning but it sort of grew a little on me. Plus it has a good message and you can feel some of those Madonna vibes lodged in there.
3. Government Hooker-I LOVED THIS. Especially the yodeling in the beginning to the small parts when she says "Ay mi papito." Classic.
4. Americano-This song wasn't my favorite but it was pretty cool because of the lyrics that told a story. The beginning sounded cliche but I guess it was a unique song overall.
5. Judas-Funny, I really hated this song because I hated the repetition of "Judas" but this one grew on me the most. I really like it now and I'm glad it came out as her second single.
6. Hair-This is one of my top favorites. I replayed this song like 23948239742937492374 times. I liked the saxophone in it and the dancey 80's feel. It wasn't as out there as Born This Way but it still had a strong message. Plus hair + freedom? Cool and weird comparison.
7. Scheisse-Scheisse means 'shit' in German. So when I found that out and inserted it into the song, it was like "SHIT BE MINE." Which sounds cool when you say it in a tough trucker voice. But the German didn't make sense at all. This song grew on me second fastest. I used to think there was way too much repetition but that's what makes this song itself.
8. Bloody Mary-I liked the intro, but this song was kind of sluggish like Marry the Night and Electric Chapel. There may've been faster parts but I just got really bored in the beginning.
9. Bad Kids-I loved this. It reminded me of Spice Girls/Madonna gone MAVERICK. ROGUE. Seeearah Peeahlin.
10. Highway Unicorn (Road to Love)-So I'm guessing Gaga was completely stoned when she wrote this. I used to think it was really stupid with her songs about ponies and unicorns but this eventually grew on me. Probably because it always came on when I did shuffle and I was too much of a lazyass to change it.
11. Heavy Metal Lover-I really like this! The intro is a bit slow but it got going after 40 seconds and I loved it.
12. Electric Chapel-BORRRING. I'm sorry. This was one of the 4 songs I actually downloaded before buying the CD and this one was the one I hated the most.
13. You and I-I had no way of putting the umlaut on the 'u'. But, this song was really nice and ballady but it was very repetitive. It was like Verse 1 YOU AND I YOU AND I x12 verse 2 YOU AND I YOU AND I x3495 Guitar solo YOU AND I YOU AND I (insert some growls and moans) x345. I liked how Brian May (guitarist in Queen) was featured in it but this is definitely not the best of her ballads.
14. Lastly there's Edge Of Glory-Some people thought this was a weak track but I personally liked it. It was adrenaline causing. It was simple but not way too repetitive and it was unique and it had the longest sax solo.
I also had the bonus track Fashion Of His Love: Her voice was a little chipmunky but I liked how it sounded Whitney Houston infused. And a tiny smidge of Spice Girls.
Overall, Born this Way has deeper meaning than the Fame and the Fame Monster and it has a tougher sound, but I think her versatility in the last two albums were a bit better. A ton of her songs sounded really different but now a lot of them sound not the same, but generally speaking 'similar' because all she really uses now is synthesizer and heavy beats and I don't know. You'd have to listen to the albums.
I also wish she used a different album cover. It's not easy to take the cover seriously but after a while I got used to it. She did so many photos for it and she picked this one. I guess it's not terrible but really now? I was expecting tentacles (oh baby), dismembered plastic babies, and dancing capybaras. Yup.

I'M SO EXCITED.........I'M SO EXCITED.......I'M SO..........SCAREDDD.

LOLOLOLOLO

So you might wonder nowadays, "WOW. Natalie has a ton of ideas." Wrong. I sat in bed at 4AM churning ideas out. I do so much for my limited viewers, and I probably shouldn't. I've been using the computer from 10 AM today and multitasking and such that I literally feel my brain frying. This is going to be a rather hipster post, with obscure topics like "Worst Places To Have Diarrhea", "Vintage Cars", "Kool Aid Hair", "Shows from duh 90's slash early 2000's", and lastly "What Lizzi and I Plan To Do While Listening to 'Love Hurts' By Nazareth." I'll start out with the diarrhea talk. I myself have had diarrhea in many bad places, mostly in China. But no one cares. You could fart in public and get away with it. So here's a mighty fine list of bad places to blow chunks in reverse.
1. In your pants. That's a given......it's hereditary and runs in your JEANS/GENES!!!! HAHAHAH-I might've mentioned that one before.
2. Large stores such as Wal Mart and whatnot. There's usually a crowded bathroom and you feel embarrassed as people hear your butt thunder and see you walk out. The walk of shame. The mixed smell of poop and unwashed people (just kidding) adds to the sense of sheer terror.
3. On a boat. You can assume why.
4. Right before sexual intercourse. LOL.
5. On a ski lift. And the ski lift stops.
6. In single person bathrooms. You see, even though there are many stalls in normal public bathrooms, you could just point fingers at others.
7. In a movie theater on a date.
8. On the catwalk. You can imagine.......strut those thighs.........SPLATTTTTT.
9. In the pool.Dream car. The guy standing in front of it is such a bro. You can tell by his flamin' hot shirt.
Since yall are probably insanely grossed out, I will move on to my next topic, vintage cars.
As soon as I can drive, I will use my life savings of 270 dollars (I'D HAVE A LOT MORE IF MY MOM DIDN'T STEAL MY MONEY) and get a really old crusty car with flames. Preferably a ford roadster, you know, those ancient cars that look like boxy houses and whatnot. Or a volkswagen bus. My mom is very wary on the idea and said that if "I become doctah!" I can collect vintage cars. Hell no! I want to drive one. If my mom doesn't let me get a delicious rustbucket......I might cry. Plus I don't even really like cars so why would I collect them? I'd rather collect snowglobes. You could experience the 30's-70's in it. People probably smoked pot in it. Or had sex in it. Or illegally shipped chimpanzees or humans with it. Or gave birth in it. Honestly if I wouldn't be able to get these sultry cars, I'd just get a smallish car with good mileage, better for the environment, and it would HAVE to be a cool color. If nothing fits my criteria, I guess I'll just have to blade or segway everywhere. I don't mind!Kool aid hurrrrr.
I've been pestering/subtly hinting to my mom that I want to dip dye my hair a dark blue and that it doesn't damage your hair so I've been obsessively looking online how to dye it. (even though she probably won't let me.) I came across a page of how to dip dye your hair with KOOL AID. So I guess kool aid is terribly bad for you. It stains your insides. Lucky blonde people, not having to bleach their hair to dye it. But anyways....you mix kool aid with conditioner, soak your hair in it, and it comes out with a light and cute sherbet color. It's pretty awesome. But it still disturbs me how you can dye your hair with it. And, I'm probably never going to drink kool aid again, not that I liked in the first place.
Every day I'm bored. So I watch an array of kid's shows on the tube of you. So here are a ton of shows I loved.
1. Saved By the Bell. I used to think it was boring cause I was only in elementary school but......it's amazing. I had a slight crush on Zach Morris and mostly KELLY KAPOWSKI. Yowza.
2. Hey Arnold!-BEST SHOW EVER. You could learn so much. My favorite character was Nadine, the black girl with blonde braids who liked bugs.
3. Braceface-Mmm I loved that super Canadian cartoons. From smoking, drinking, getting blow up bras......it had it all. And it had an awesome half Italian/Chinese girl with red and black hair. I'm a sucker for interracial characters. Ahee.BRACE FACE! MY LIFE IS COMPLICATED-BOYFRIEND-I WORK IT OUT IN THE END-BRACEFACE! Best show ever.
4. Chalkzone-All I can say about this show is YAY.
5. As Told By Ginger-I was always super scared of the animation but I still liked it. It was rather deep, even if everyone had derp faces.
6. My Life As a Teenage Robot-THIS SHOW WAS AWESOME. But it only ran for about 2 years, which sucked.
There's also shows like Full House, Family Matters, The Cosby Show, and others but come on, you could totally expect me to like those shows. It's pretty much a given.
Lastly, there is the topic on Love Hurts by Nazareth. This cheesy heartbreaker has made me conjure up some snazzy ideas.
1. Three way slow dance with me, Lizzi, and BRANDON
2. Film a wistful Kpop soap opera scene in a car while it's raining outside
3. Film a scene where someone cries, eats ice cream and chocolate, watches soap opera, puts a gun to their head and it gets all dramatic but then they decide not to because they don't have the courage.
4. Fake sniffling over someone's picture.
5. Dedicate an entire soap opera with this one song and other variations of it playing. LOL.
I have no ideas now. Kbye.

Aqueous Martinis and Other Things That Have To Do With H20

While there's like 2 more weeks of summer, I have only just begun to do things summery, such as swimming. Thankfully I don't have to do swim team, and I have some rather scary and heartwarming and disturbing stories from the time I was at Miramar and Mt. Carmel. I didn't really have any strange stories from Mt. Carmel, only that Adam Siegel is a terrible swimmer and Nathan Siegel is a lot worse. My 6th grade body rocked them till Canada Day. I remember Austin/Anand Marshall was on my swim team at Miramar College and he always hung out with this small wannabe scene girl who wore waterproof eyeliner. They got married with plastic rings and Lyu Pentov's little brother was their child. Then he talked about tanning his thighs for speedo season and that made me change my mind that he was becoming straight again. I also remember at a swim meet I bonked my ear on the wall doing backstroke but I got 2nd anyways. OH YEAH. I also remember having major crotch cramps (cameltoe causing swimsuit) and back tans and goggle tans. My hair also hurt because of the swim cap. Those sucked. My swimsuit looked like this and the tan lines were not pretty. I remember when I took my ID card picture in sixth grade, I had a raccoonish goggle tan and really bleachy brown hair. So why did I quit swim team? One day this chick grabbed my ankle because she wanted to pass me so she ended up like choking me. Then I went completely apeshit and forced my mom to let me quit. Now I swim solo and work out my Chun Li thighs. Of course I would get good at the strokes that people don't really care about, e.g backstroke and breaststroke. Of course I'd get good at breaststroke. Schwingggg. Did you know that doing the dolphin kick for butterfly is pretty much humping the water? I didn't notice that until a year ago.
Out of all of the pools I've swam in, Miramar College is the best, even though they may have bitchy life guards. Who cares if the kid runs on deck? When they fall and break a limb, they'll know right from wrong. Just kidding. Safety first. Use protection. The Miramar/Ned Baumer pool also has a wide assortment of sultry old men in speedos. I also saw a lady with a huge butt and cottage cheesy thighs. It was weird cause her face looked normal but then BAM.
Mt. Carmel has a nice pool too but I DON'T SEE THEM HAVING A BIG YELLOW SLIDE LIKE MIRAMAR COLLEGE'S. When I saw the "big yellow slide", I thought of a euphemism for my penis. LOL.
Westview has a good pool even though it's always kind of cold and every time I swim in it now I think of the fish being thrown in it on the second to last day of school. When I swam in it on Friday it smelled like seafood
which made me shudder.
Lastly there's the good ole YMCA. They suck. And that's it. Diarrhea splotches at the bottom of the pool and crusty band aids.
Is it embarrassing that I wanted to be a merman? Not mermaid, MERMAN. I somehow felt like mermen were 2384923 times hotter than mermaids with their creamy pectorali and ovalesque neepoes. Don't forget the Fabio hair. Question of the day....do mermaids have vaginas? That is up to you all to find out.
When I swim in a pool I think about how kids pee in it and wonder what would happen if there was no chlorine in the pool. I'd be swimmin' in urine! And I'd blend in, but that's besides the point.
I'm sort of done talking about pools since they're slightly boring. So here's the poop joke(s) of the day!
Turtle Poop: The kind of poop that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finally comes out.
Here's a fart joke. Hoho. Beefy fart: Sounds loud, and will smell a bit like the rotting offspring of a BSE infected cow and a dog turd.
So there ya have it!

The Fashion Edition aka I Love a Man In Uniform ( Or TURTLENECK.)

Thanks, Justin. Paving the way for men to wear turtlenecks.

I like men in turtlenecks. Is that wrong? I hope not. If I saw Alf or Brandon in a turtleneck I'd probably laugh and throw up. I guess all kinds of turtlenecks are preferable, but I think beige soft ones are insanely orgasmic. Seeing a guy in a turtleneck makes my panties drop to the floor in an instant. To me, turtlenecks just scream "I'm a masculine hunk who's not afraid to show off me prominent nipples, gorgeous personality, dangerous curves, AND my knowledge of quality fabric!" Basically if you want me to get you pregnant, wear a beige/cream cashmere turtleneck and play dubstep. I don't exactly like dubstep, but it reminds me of robot intercourse and really REALLY makes me want to hump everything in my sight. I swear, my crotch starts tingling and it is my instinct to knock someone down to the floor and yell "YOU LIKE THAT, BITTTTCHHHHHHH?!!!!" while they beg with mercy as I tie them up and take out the handcu-Wait what? Back to the turtleneck story. *wipes off crusted drool at corner of mouth* As well as turtlenecks, I enjoy a man who wears flannel, long johns, vegan footwear, and wife beaters. You could say that this man is a representation of me when I fly through the dubstep humpty dumpty phrase, and you could say that I would let this man fondle my body. Just because he's wearing a wife beater.
Meeeee-yow. I also like sweater vests with argyle patterns and ANYTHING pleather on a man. Pleater is patent leather. Which technically is fake and slutty leather. That technically means that I love a man who looks nice in hooker heels. Luckily, that's true!This isn't pleather, but I'd tap anything in these heels. I'd probably throw in a few 100's in the heels.
I also like a man in uniform, so you can probably assume that I want to rape everyone during marching season, which I do. If an array of people wear these sultry clothing articles to school one day, I'll presume it is my birthday and be surprised that people actually REMEMBERED and I'll get the biggest girl boner ever. Damn. I'd drop to the floor.
Does anyone else look at patterns and think about what kind of people they represent? I think I'm the only one who does that, but then again I'm a special case. To me, houndstooth reminds me of posh gay guys with a lisp that wear purple fedoras and cherry red zoot suits.
Polka dots remind me of the life cycle of a girl. When you have multicolored ones, you're a toddler. When you have immense ones (lol boob reference), you're in kindergarten! When you have black polka dots against a salmon color, you're a teenager! When you have black and white ones you're either a classy adult or a grandma. And so on.
Paisley reminds me of girls who dress like the girls from "Little House On the Prairie."
Tartan aka plaid reminds me of Christmas, stereotypical schoolgirls, and Scottish terriers.
Argyle reminds me of yuppies, nerds, and Ezra Koenig.
Stripes remind me of barbershop quartets.
Leopard print reminds me of your average MILF.
Zebra print reminds me of sluts. No offense to you conservative girls who like zebra print, it's just that they remind me of ickle tartlets. I remember when I kind of liked zebra print...
Checkers remind me of Buddy Holly and cheesy people that I'd get along with, and so on.

So here's the boring part of our arousing discussion. Isn't it kind of strange where you could just point to one person and just label their style with one word?..or maybe 2 or 3.. When I think of Sierra, I think of the average teenage girl. Cough, that may be helped with the Justin Bieber shirt. When I think of Abby, I think of the other portion of teenage girls. Maddi reminds me of the typical girl from California (though she lived part of her life in Oregon...;P). Lizzi dresses like an 80's hunk slash Saved By the Bell woman. But not all the time. Which is like me. I guess you can't really define me, and I like that. Who knows when I'm going to wear kilts and crocs. Who knows if I'm going to come to school in a sweater vest and pleather trousers? NO ONE. I remember I wore a dress in 8th grade once and people were like GREAT BALLS OF FIRE! Not in exclamation, but actually at my...never mind.MARRY ME KELLY KAPOWSKI.

Something random that I'd like to mention is probably what the majority of what y'all are thinking about. Creamed corn? No. BOOBS. I recently watched the Jennamarbles post on how to make your boobs bigger. Wearing 2 bras DO help. It's weird. Not that do want my boobs bigger because apparently the reason why I'm almost always hunched over is that I slightly try to hide them. My doctor said that. He's a guy. Now I'm scared. Or maybe their weight is pulling my body down. Never mind. However, putting bronzing powder on them doesn't work. It looks like you have a dirty bosom, and what if you get boob sweat and it runs all over the place? If you have very tight cleavage, I'm pretty sure it gets pretty damp between those sweater puppies cause of all of the friction. So I guess what I'm TRYING to say is....flaunt those boobs. Wait, no. We don't want a world of sluts here. If you have small boobs and want big boobs (not sure why you would) wear 2 bras. Jennamarbles knows best, cause she's the stripper with a master's degree.If all fails, you always have the F-cup cookie. <3

Reviewing the Beyonce CD!

The lovely Lizzi gave me the album "4", the newest album from Beyonce. For the longest time I didn't really respect her but after I heard one song from the album I have full fledged respect for her. I used to be more of an Alicia Keys woman...man.....thing. Anyways, here's some commentary on each and every song. Except the remixes.
1+1-This song is ok....to me it's kind of whiny and sex desperate. Ahee.
I Care-I thoroughly enjoyed this. It was so feisty and Black woman infused.
I Miss You-Hmm, I don't think I've really listened to to this one that much because I a) have no general ideas about this song OR b) it's a forgettable song. I don't really know.
Best Thing I Never Had-Story of my life. Actually, story of me and Shahil.
Rather Die Young-I used to not really like it but it really grew on me. Partially because it was all soulful but had that 90's RB feel sort of.
Start Over-The beat in the beginning automatically made me like the song. It's really simple but I just liked it. A lot.
Love On Top-Pretty much the first song Lizzi showed me that gave Beyonce a chance. This song is amazing......with all those key changes that get irritating because she makes me feel like a tone deaf walrus. Which I am.
Countdown-It sounds like she's saying "me and my BOOB BOOB BOOB BOOB" or boof. Or poof. and it is quite TITillating. See what I did-Never mind.
End Of Time-This was a a good song too! Though I wonder if she was thinking about Jay-z while writing all of these songs. I know she probably didn't (and she probably had other people write them for her) but haha every time I think about Jay-z for these songs I feel like Beyonce is super bi-polar >.<
I Was Here-One of the more "depressing" songs on the album. I liked this one too. GOTTA HAVE SOME VARIETY. I feel like this song would play in a K drama. Or if America had soap operas modeled after K dramas, this would totally be in it when the main character tries to DIE. Nah, the main character never dies, it's usually the elderly dad or grandpa.
Run the World-Okay, I don't understand how this one is the most popular. It sucks the biggest, juiciest donkey balls ever. Well it's not that bad but no matter how hard I try to listen to it, it still never grows on me. This shows how bad the music taste of generic Americans are.
Party ft. Andre 3000-At first the rap was kind of "wut?". "Gurrrrl ahhll make milk drip down yo' knees"...BUT this grew on me super quickly. And I love it so much. This one has the most prominent 90's RB feel to it PLUS it kind of reminds me of a female underage version of Let's Get It On by the sultry Marvin Gaye. Marvin Gaye's dad killed Marvin. Slut. Andre 3000 was in Outkast. Which means he sang the 'hey ya' song. Now how 'bout that trivia!
And there's the bonus tracks:
Lay Up Under Me: The song was alright, but I LOVED the title. I was like "oh snap gurl. Beyonce dominates......IN BED." It reminded me of Robin Scherbatsky.
Schoolin' Life: This song had an 80's anthem feel to it, and I loved it a lot. I actually haven't been listening to it recently, which is weird, but I'll get to it soon. I'm getting distracted by Kpop. Which is Kenyan pop.
Dance For You-Meh. Definitely about lap dancing. And the lyrics sort of creep me out, mainly cause I lay awake in bed listening to this album at night.

So the end!
My top five of this album would definitely be
Love On Top, Schoolin' Life, Party, I Care, and Rather Die Young.

Here's the rather sekahsee cover of the album.


Okay, for the longest time I didn't know it was called "4".
.__.

Acronyms. And a List of People I'd....Do.

So, acronyms...they get ridiculous.....sort of. Like me and Sierra's Bff equivalent, BFFFFFFFFFFFLTPCI. Y'all probably know what it means. If you don't, I doubt you'd want to ask me because that'd waste about 10 seconds of your life. I used to hate using the most overused acronym "lol".....but unfortunately at the time, I kind of sort of have to use it. It's also not as annoying sounding as it used to be. It's unsettling, but I have to do it. I'm also using it honestly 'cause maybe I DO fucking laugh when I say it. Mmmmhmm. It also reminds me of memes. AND THE LOLWUT PEAR. I LOVE THAT THING. Speaking of memes, I told my mom a poop joke and the story about the swami on Youtube teaching poop getting-out-of-your ass exercises and she told me I'd be forever alone. I.......think she's true. I told her this joke....Did you hear that diarrhea is hereditary? Yeah! IT RUNS IN THE JEANS. I know. What a flabby thigh slapper. So yesterday, I went to a walk in appointment with my dentist because I was having this weird gum-ache. And.........you'll never know. Wisdom teeth are already in. Dayum, they're supposed to start when you're about.....18-19 or even into your 20's and 30's! So far I think 3 of them grew in. The reason why my gums hurt like hell was because the root of the tooth was like half a centimeter away from a nerve in my mouth. We're looking into getting them removed. If my dentist can't do it, I'm going to get them surgically removed. Please knock me unconscious and then pull them out. What also sucks is that I'm getting them all pulled out separately. It's good that it won't affect band but 3 times to not look forward to. Anyways, I've been watching a good amount of JennaMarbles lately. Her humor isn't as amazing as some, but I give her parents props for doing it and making her because she's hot, slutty, and has a master's degree. I have a weird sort of respect for really hot, slutty, smart people. But not Hotforwords, I'm pretty sure she has a dick. No offense or anything....I also find it rather ironic that she's teaching Engleassshh when she's......Russian. Is she Russian? I dunno.....Ukraine? Oh well. So here's a list of people I'd theoretically bang. Repeatedly. Just kidding. And by the way, I probably wouldn't bang these people. (That's a lie...I'd definitely sleep with them.) It would be nice having that kind of a reputation, though I'm probably already labeled sluttymaroo by most Asian parents :P
1. Todd from barelypolitical. Aka Uri Kastrovich. I might throw in Amber Lee Ettinger and Lauren Francesca as well. Mmm barelypolitical.
2. Carrot top. You can see why.
3. Nicki Minaj in all outfits and hairstyles.
4. Muuuung Daaaaaaaal.
5. I'd probably bang a tiger to make a yellow tiger baby.
6. Larry King.
7. Lizzi Trumbore.
8. Choirboys. Any size, shape, ethnicity. And they must be pre pubescent.
9. Luna from f(x).....when she's blonde. While wearing fishnets and hitting high notes. Hot. I guess she could look like this as well.
10. Park Bom. She has to sing too.
11. And maybe (note the maybe) Nic while wearing something really slutty. ;P Like this.I'd ravish you in those nipple high trousers.
12. Last but ohoho, definitely not least, Lady Gaga during the time when people said she had a dick. I love controversies that deal with having dicks! If I ever become famous I hope people start those rumors. Not that I'm going to become famous.
Well, I'm done!
So my dad's back from Chiners. Yay.
Also, burritos and frozen yogurt don't mix.
That burrito was fucking delicious, by the way. I wish I could just regurgitate it whole and eat it again......
Is that weird?
Never mind.
Also.....the LLAMA ALPHABET! Aren't you surprised there isn't a My Little Llama Franchise?
Lastly, happy August! :D

Posessed (NSYNC Breaks Into My Room)

Clearly my jetlag ain't over. Yesterday around 2 PM (oh baby, the hottest time of the day) I felt super tired so I went to bed. I was sleeping on my side and I'm sure that my hand was pushed back against my will. It was sort of a dream but I felt like someone was bringing my hand back from the side of my pillow to my waist. I felt like I was struggling but I guess not....jetlag does some pretty crazy things to people. Also, NSYNC broke into my room and started possessing AND serenading me with No Strings Attached. It was interesting, and Chris Kirkpatrick looked creepier than ever. I'm also pretty sure they tied me up. Hot, sexy bondage dreams involving boy bands. Well, at least it wasn't the Backstreet Boys or LMF or whatever group that sang the really stupid song "Summer Girls". I just searched up LMF to make sure I was right, and boy was I wrong....LMF is a Canto pop group that stands for Lazy Motha Fucka. HAHA.
This is a group that I need to be in. I would tap dat PHAT ass. Sigh I love the names War, Phat and Prodip. IM PRODIP. Lolololololo.
Okay, the right name of the group that sang the lame song is LFO. Yow. Look at that delicious anus face. Just kidding. I love you CK. You made NSYNC....NSYNC.

I kept on waking up from weird 5 minute dreams.....I just watched the movie Rite, about a demon/the devil getting into this priest (yum) and then possessing this chick and whatnot so it was really freaky, because I felt like something invisible was pulling my arm back. Once it was to my hip, and the second time I felt like my hand was being pulled to my crotch...I dunno. It was insanely strange.Awwww yeah. Me in bed. Just...less glamorous.
So I was going to post this yesterday. Today I took another nap because I'm a lazy ass and I was getting tired of watching stupidly hilarious Madtv skits. I dreamt about silverfish. Y'know, those weird disgusting little mini scorpion bugs with little antennae that you find in old dusty shelves? Shudder.....They were everywhere. I'm pretty sure I woke up screaming. Those little creatures drive me insane and every time I see them I want to stab myself with carrots. This isn't very inneresting but I think I have mind problems. Wait. Don't respond to that statement.

Musical life partners...who's yours? I guess mine would be a combination of Lizzi and Courtney Sailors and maybe a little bit of Ceciley. Courtney Sailors is courtneypants on youtube and she is a unicorn loving dicktastic person. I can mostly relate with Lizzi because we listen to everything....we don't really have limits of what we listen to.......I listen to weird post-art-whatever rock, 90's grunge, musical selections, and K pop. And a little bit of jpop. And Brit Brit Spears as my guilty pleasure. But that's not the end of all the genres I listen to. The only thing I can't really stand is country. Kill me please. And I like Courtney's art rock and weird indie hipster music that I sort of have and appreciate and her strange electronic incorporated into alternative stuff. And as for Ceciley.....she also listens to a lot of genres....It's like taking Lizzi (minus the really bubblegummy pop and mashing it up with my music taste......minusing my share of the cheesy pop as well.) And mixing some Icelandic foreign stuff in it.
So since I really haven't discovered any amazing bands and 4shared is a stupid piece of crap (just kidding. I love 4shared.......most of the time.) I have been watching Ceciley's mixtape videos on youtube.......she separates them into categories, like road trip music, love makin' jams (just kidding.....well, sort of), and beachy music and whatnot. Lots of musical inspiration......and new songs on my ipod. Courtney has a show too and a lot of the songs that she does are the ones I listen to or have listened to....but thank you for introducing MAP OF TASMANIA, the best song ever about merkins and censorship laws. Thank you.

Here's some songs that I've discovered...Since I'm too unattractive to make videos on youtube, I shall recommend 5 songs that I've found through these lovely women/ or have found by myself. But mostly them.....like I said, my brain is rather obese. And not in a good way. I'm pretty sure it's coated in cellulite and can't think and is thinking about medium rare steaks dipped in mayonnaise...Yeah!
1. Hawaiian Air-Friendly Fires (A song about being in airplanes. The music video is awesome......sitting between making out couples, a kid pulling on your hair, sitting next to a morbidly obese dude eating salad..)
2. Helena Beat-Foster the People (A song....with a guy singing in a high pitched voice? And the music video resembles a toddler apocalypse.)
3. Que Veux Tu-Madeon Remix - Yelle (The remix is better...to me. And the song makes you want to go through an LSD adventure through a daisy field and dance inappropriately. Think of me humping Tom Daley on the TV screen. Oh yes.)
4. Goodbye Happiness-Utada Hikaru (Heard this on MTV China. Probably the first Jpop I've liked. I'm not surprised.....Utada Hikaru is the acclaimed queen of Jpop. And it's not stupidy catchy kpop...)
5. Tears Dry On Their Own-Amy Winehouse (Everyone is going crazy 'cause of her death, I know. It's just like the Michael Jackson death. I swear, every year there's going to be an insanely talented musician dying young. Ever since her death, her album has been skyrocketing....I've had this song for a long time. It's rather good, and I can easily say that I like her more than Adele. I love Adele.....but most of the songs on 21 sound the same........ I remember the chorus that makes one song differ from the other but I can't remember anything else. Something about Amy's contralto voice and her songs just stand out more. Plus her erratic behaviour added a lot to that factor XD)


Well, this wasn't a particular funny or interesting blog post but this is what everyone (my 1 and 1/3 viewers) get.......because my brain is fat and can't think of witty jokes. Well....I have a poop joke.....more like a poop connection story. So here it goes!

Wet Poop

The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels un-wiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a stain.

Don't you get this feeling all the time?

Yes, I got this from an app called POOP JOKES! Real original.

It's OVER!

Hand Sanitizer Part Dos and Why I'm NEVER Getting a Mammogram.

Something that all men/horny teenage boys wish they had. But.....it won't work. Unless you're a d-list whore. THAT'S ME! Just kidding.
If I don't teach Chinese or pursue other careers and become duh doctah, I'm really gonna invent this and make it mandatory for men so they can SUFFER.

So I forgot to mention the feelings that these 2 tiny bottles I've used this year have expressed! Oh yes. The first scent I used was called Island Nectar. How exotic. It was VERY exotic. In fact, it sort of did express new things, new EXOTIC things. In that case exotic doesn't really fit but it slightly ties in. I don't know. The smell was super cheerful and nice and also really EXOTIC like mentioned before so it kind of symbolized being new and freshmany and getting to know people that I slightly didn't want to get to know in the beginning but it was actually amazing getting to know them. Damn that was a long sentence.And it also represents getting to know and growing closer to Nic, even though I pretty much barely knew he existed before...August, even though I remember him trying on something spandexy a while back. How EXOTIC. I'm....going to stop saying exotic. It also represented getting used to change and also moving on. Aka dumping the deuce, if it makes anything clearer. Dumping the deuce sounds like a term to express someone making a bowel movement. Aheehur. The next scent wasn't very prominent. Everyone wears it so it just reminded me of nothing really. It's that Japanese Cherry Blossom crap that makes you smell like a hooker. I just remembered me dumping gobs of it onto my hands just to get rid of it so I could buy more pleasant smelling ones. But....it's still here and in my closet somewhere so I'm just going to forget about it and use the one that smells like a cinnamon bun. Yum.
So the next part is about MAMMOGRAMS. Mammograms are rather scary. I would hate getting checked out by a gynecologist and getting a mammogram. I also hope there aren't any male gynecologists out there because that's just wrong. Unless they were gay, than that'd be alright. I'd be pretty sad having a straight male look up my cooter. But mammograms.....oh my god. Putting your boobs between two metal slabs and applying.....pressure. Shudder. What if your boobs explode!? My mom told me about mammograms and I grabbed my tits in fear. Also, what does the fricking doctor do if you end up with weird looking boobs.....like they jut out and look smushed? Stupid mammogram..ists. This is why I am going to keep my tits nice and healthy with......lots of sunlight, water, and fertilizer. Nah, I'm actually not sure how you keep your boobs healthy. Maybe you exercise them like those creepy weightlifting butch women so you can move your boobs in different directions. What a turn on. I'm also going to keep my cooter healthy with a lot of awkward exercise. Like.....interpretive dancing and.....the BEND and SNAP. Oh baby.
So I'm guess I'm done with my worrying with mammograms. Hopefully my boobs will not get old and saggy without them.
And....NATALIE TRAN finally posted up a video, even though it may only last 42 seconds long. How am I supposed to love her again when she LEFT ME. What an unhealthy relationship.

Nostalgia......in a probably 1 fluid oz container.

Do you have music that clearly reminds you of exact places you've been while listening to it and when were there? Well, I guess it's sort of a stupid question to ask because I'm pretty sure everyone does that. For example, the little portion of the irritating mainstream dates back to when I was musically stupid. Well, I guess I wasn't...I was brought up with classical, folk, classic rock, etc. So I guess all the new stuff sort of fascinated me. Then there was my emo angsty rock period in the beginning of seventh grade where I swore to never listen to pop again. At the end of seventh, I was opening up to the stuff Lizzi gave me and just listening to her songs remind me so clearly of our San Francisco trip. The rest of my stuff reminds me of pretty small moments in time. The first Lady Gaga song I listened to brings me back of memories of sitting in the subway in Hong Kong. If I play songs during my guilty pleasure pop/artistic (aka a nice word for plainly weird) rock phase, I think about me hiding my double identity that I didn't want to do. This also happens to me through the types of hand sanitizer I use >.< Don't ask..A lot of memories are made by a teeny little plastic bottle from Bath and Body Works. What's weird is that it doesn't work through lotion....or body spray....just hand sanitizer. I remember using something that smelled like peaches and mint, and the smell reminds me when I was bored with school and this was sort of a pick me up. No, I didn't huff hand sanitizer. Another one that I used was this really strong candied apple scented stuff. It reminded me of gross Shahilish times. This is definitely a smell that my nostrils do not want to revisit. Slutty, girly, rotten, tainted, candy coated lies, hurt, poison....Strong words (sorta?) for a smell in a bottle that costed 1.50. Yesterday I paid a trip to the good ol' store and picked up some more because who knows how many STD's you can pick up around school with your hands and bought 5 more bottles. Who knows which parts and what kinds of my life are going to be represented in each tiny little bottle. Well, 2 bottles already smell like my past (they both date back to kindergarten when I made my first friend and we were playing with little girl perfume). But maybe more important things will take its place. Hopefully good things, because the funniest feeling is felt (whoa alliteration) when you smell it again in the future, and it's even stranger when it represents something good. It is an unholy mixture of happiness, wistfulness, and even a hint of sadness. Even the smallest things bring back a ton of memories. At first I don't notice, but then I actually think about it and BAM. Blast from the past. I could think about...say, a bag of ramen noodles or look at some of my mom's jewelry and feel like reminiscing. It's bizarrely powerful. I guess this is me sort of looking backwards and getting a feel of the future, even though who knows what it's going to bring me. All of this talk from music and hand cleaning fluids.
I'm a real deep person, aren't I? ;P

And for the top picture.....No one better wear that fucking scent around me or else I may cheerfully rip their bladder out. And you need that, by the way.

My Butt Fetish...and other Touching Delights

I'm 80 percent sure I have a butt fetish. I must say that I admire butts quite a bit. Well, except people who get tushie injections. That's just...no. I'm sorry if I "accidentally" graze anyone's butts. But not in Nic's case, I grab it on purpose. Mmmm. I'd tap that.....with a jackhammer....just kidding. Anyways..Here's a random and TOUCHING..(I hope) post. So I'll get the TOUCHING part done (literally and figuratively).

I simply CANNOT believe that this year has gone by oh so fast. I can clearly remember the first day of school and I can pretty much remember every single little detail about all the tournaments. There were downhill times this year that weren't too fantastic but overall, this is one of the best and most interesting years I've had by far. At first I thought this year would kind of suck since I didn't have Lizzi but we're still in touch and are life partners and I grew close with other people. I had some help from one sympathetic soul (hoho) and got hewhomustnotbenamed aka Hahilsay off my back. That sympathetic soul finally became my magnificent boyfriend and has stuck with me through shittastic and jizzworthy times. It kind of breaks my heart to say that this is the end of the year. Some of the people who I am used to seeing and having contact with won't be here and there's a huge chance I may never see them again. Well, this is the cycle and there's nothing we can do about it (except ....fail a few classes just for me ;P) SIGHH I can't berieve that this is going to happen every year. I just want to warn all the seniors that are graduating that I'm going to stain their gowns with my tears until the dye fades out and the gown turns into a blucky grey color. Just sayin'. Or I'll cry at the WRONG time (UGH I always do that!) I usually save the tears and emotional outburst for a rainy day (aka a few hours after that emotional event has occured) such as Senior night for marching band...I cried my face off as soon as I got home. Sigh. Twitch. I'm such a loser. Oh and also Arcadia, where I cried when I got home. That...was...depressing. Ohh my GOD this picture is so sad and cute. I looked like that when I used to cry, now I just look like a sniffling whale. Attractive.

So yesterday was the kickoff night. Holy jizz we have a lot of people. I remember saying I hated most of the kids one year younger than me....I wonder if the people in band last year said that too? Maybe I'm going to be hanging out with a lot of freshmen this year. Who knows! I hope these incoming freshmen are as cool (coughhackgag) as we were. I'm not sure if we all fit in the 'cool' category. More like grimy little nubs. Especially Lucas. Rusty is such a beast. I think I will become his super saiyan master and our section will be awesome. This also calls for huge low reed parties since we have.....345973469823459845 tenors. But........whinegroanhuffpuff we won't have 2 of the sekasee faces we're used to seeing. I also personally think we suck but hey it's the first time we've played the stuff, so hopefully we'll get better. I wonder if that's what the people thought last year as well. Mmmm lookit that clarinet.

I guess my resolution to solve my depression that erryone's leaving my face is to go into crazy pedo lurker mode, aka barrages of emails, cheesy ecards that involve dancing strudel, and 4 hour phone calls. Oh and I'll also use up the extra mileage we have and fly to an assortment of dorms all over Amurrica and bring y'all puffy stickers, apple beer, and cashews. Oh and I'm probably going to install little cameras and microchips on everyone so I can shock them when they visit naughty places like strip clubs and adult stores to buy anal beads and fluffy dildos. But then again, who needs that when you have a sax cleaner? Seriously. People better visit, though I doubt that's a promise no one keeps, 'cause I promised Mr. P and whatnot that I'd visit Mesa Verde, but I haven't gone there since......November. Sad. But then again it's different because high school band is infinity times 92 times better than middle school band. Middle school band was filled with loud and suckish people and annoying cheerleaders that joined it cause they thought it was an easy class. Or so they say.

Okay, well I didn't really touch up (oh baby) on the random part but I'm sure I'll get to that sometimes soon......In bed.